Saturday, October 13, 2012
Time For A Rant
Thank you to J for mucking up my implantation time with your little stunt. Really! I'm not happy with you right now. I won't go into what he did because that is not my story to tell but seriously he is in the dog house for it and I might just make him sleep there. I told him how I felt this morning when he effectively denied me sleep with his snoring. J snores on the weekends and vacations and holidays. He knew I needed sleep if I'm to have less pain during the day and deal more effectively with stress management especially during the precious implantation part of my cycle. For J snoring is psychological. If he is stressed he snores. I'm guessing his Friday was worse than he let on. We have had J checked out with sleep labs and there is no medical reason for his snoring. PERIOD! It is psychological.
This is a routine thing he likes to pull. J, I don't think really wants to be a father. Oh he likes the idea of being a dad but not the hands on part or so it seems. Every time I ovulate he gets pissy. He causes arguments making it so I either don't want sex or just want to cry through it. Then he of course knows that in just so many days implantation starts (5-9 dpo). Again he causes conflict.
I've sort of figured out why he does this and have asked him to stop. If I have a baby it will mean less attention for him from me. Well, um, helpless infant can't fend for itself! Grow up!
This morning I woke up after two hours of sleep at 0430 hrs to take my medicine for blood pressure. I reminded J ,"is it really wise to be stressing me out with my high blood pressure?".
My sore throat is back. It is really raw, hurts to swallow too. I need sleep to recover. How am I supposed to get sleep with the sabotage going on here? I'm at the end of my fertility years and I want a child. I don't know if we'll be able to move on to donor eggs because we still don't know if the Army is going to keep J.
Other than J lacking husband like qualities of late he is a fine soldier. Yes, I realize that he is under stress right now and we often lash out at the ones we love but seriously he could be a bit more graceful about this whole process. One would think that with the individual counseling he is receiving that with all that individual attention he would better able to process his work stress and not bring it home with him.
It is 11 days past ovulation. I'm thinking of waiting until Tuesday morning for the HCG test and just leaving town without finding out the results. I'm at that point where I knew by the symptoms that there was something there trying to attach. It was the left side. All the right side did was the release of egg pain of ovulation. The left side was ovulation pain and implantation pain then nothing past 9 dpo. I want to cry. I hate endometriosis. Just thinking about the horrible period awaiting me on my trip to San Juan is enough to make me want to cancel it. But again I'll just suck it up like I did for J's birthday and endo be damned I'll try to enjoy myself.
Just wishing my spouse would stop being a big smelly ass to me.