Saturday, August 13, 2011
Lonely Moments In Time
I'm not going to say it something only a military wife would understand because its not. Any spouse who has had to kiss their beloved good bye not knowing for sure if they'll see them again, accidents do happen, would understand.
Anyone who has had to sleep for countless nights in the bed they'd normally shared with their loved one would understand this loneliness.
Anyone who has had to eat the evening meals alone, no kids, no pets, no spouse would understand.
I detest how the loneliness can lead to depressing thoughts. So today I'm going to fight them off. Today I'm going to spend some time with my bestie, S, again. She knows how much my husband means to me.
If I were to stay home alone today I'd start to think all sorts of negative thoughts. I'd dredge up old arguments in my mind and how I could have better handled them. How I should have been a nicer person. Or even thoughts of where I might not be good enough for my spouse. Maybe I'm not thin enough, not pretty enough, not young enough. Its a road of thoughts I don't want to travel down. Its road that leads to a big black hole of depression. I've been in that hole and its slippery sided one that is difficult to climb out of even if someone throws you a life line and often there isn't even that for help. No I'm not going there today.
Today I'm going to think about what I can do for my J today. Even though he's not here I can go run an errand for him while I'm out. He had a project he was almost finished with but we ran out of time to get him the last of the supplies he needed. As luck would have it I'll be going to the very store we were going to go to before he left. Now its my time to show him that I remembered his needs and thought about him.
Thank you J for being there when you can and thinking of me often.
Thank you S for including me in your travels and getting me out of the house.
I love you both.