Nervous

I've got so much to do in the next few days. I'm not prepared.  I like the idea of J coming home early but all the same I'm finding that I'm running out of time.

Today is the saline infusion sonogram, actually in about an hour.  I'm nervous as hell about that.  First I don't like pain, I'm not sure most sane folks do like pain unless pleasure is the promised end.  Ie:  a virgin's first time pain.

I'm scared that they might tell me that I'm not a good candidate for the IVF.  I'm scared that they might tell me that the reason I've been bleeding and spotting when I shouldn't be is because there is something wrong and I'm not meant to have a biological child.

I'm going to this alone today.  If my husband can't be with me I can't think of another person I'd actually want in that room with me.  Seriously its him or no one.

I was planning on walking over to the hospital for the procedure but my foot last night, the one I tore the deltoid ligament in a few years back, was acting up.  Of course today it looks like its going to rain.  Figures my foot would know about the fog and possible rain.  It might still clear up by afternoon but I'm not wanting to be walking in the fog and risk becoming a hood ornament.

Next, my J is coming home soon.  This means I've got to go grocery shopping.  Seriously there is just nothing in the house he would want to eat.  He's a meatatarian.  Pull a cow up to his table and he'd be happy.  I think if you gave him a magic marker he'd mark the cow into the proper cuts of meat and mark which one he wants.

Speaking of cow, I need to get J half & half and milk too. Whey protein allergy for me means that I don't keep it in the house while he is gone.  Why bother?

Oh and I need to make a birthday cake.  I'd order one but I'm not sure if he is going to be here in time for his birthday or a day later.  If I make one of my own I know it will taste good and I can decorate it how I want too without the extra cost.

So with some deep breathing exercises I'm trying to relax.  I've still got to vacuum and mop the floors before he gets home.  I doubt he'd notice but still I'd like it all clean for him.