Friday, November 19, 2010

Its A Girl Thing

A sign from the caboose we stayed in this Summer.  Photo by me of course.

Its a girl thing.  Today I dyed my hair.  I've been going grey, or should I say silver, since I was sixteen.  Today I took care of that little problem.  I think its more of a girly thing than a manly thing as most guys, well at least the ones I know, could care less if their hair is going grey as long it is still there.

It always makes me feel better about myself if I dye my hair.  Once a week I'll give myself a manicure, pedicure, and a facial, along with the normal shaving routine at home.  I've only been to a spa once.

I think clearer, have better ideas and just seem to function better when I take care of my girly needs.  I get to thinking about all sorts of things.  Today I thought about my family.  Family really is everything.  Family is your complaint department whether you are complaining about them or to them.  If you are lucky, like me, you'll have a close network of friends that are closer than your own family.  I still try to keep connect with my parents and sibling.

Two out of the blue phone calls yesterday from family reminded of how far away I am from them and not just the physical distance.  I have issues with my own family.  Sure some of it can be attributed to the whole "its not fair" issue that most of us go through growing up with siblings.  Some of my issues stem from abuse, holding grudges; not so much by me but by other family members though there are some slights I still feel from a few.  Maybe its called growing pains for a good reason.  I do think that the transition of eighteen years with any given family could go much smoother than it does with some outside help, but that is the adult in me rationalizing.

So with olive branch extended I made two phone calls today.  I even send two emails.  I'm trying to get our family back together.  Not all that happened to cause the rift was my fault alone, I had some help with that rift from my ex.  No one likes to choose sides, especially when forced to do so.

I don't come from a family that communicates their needs and wants in a respectful manner.  Most of the time its fighting dirty and spreading rumors.  All of us need to learn that things said can be misconstrued, taken out of context and used against us, or just plain hurtful if not said correctly.  I'm no angel with communication.

Over the years, with therapy and college I've learned to be a better communicator.  Yesterday's marriage counseling session went quite well.  I have no problems with my spouse that can't be settled with a little bit of smart dialogue.  Most men are in their logical side of the brain while we women bounce around on both the emotional and logical side.  We anticipate.  We are compassionate.  We get our feelings hurt way too often.  Its a girl thing.

My husband and I are on the path together now.  We are setting goals.  We are going to sign a Love Contract.  We will negotiate, as needed with him not always being able to be around.  Army Life has its drawbacks along with its perks.  Our bonds are stronger now.  All is good.

Now if only I can apply what I've learned, over the years, to the family I left behind.  I have one sibling, an older brother.  He is a survivor, just as much as I am, of a  not so perfect childhood.  Its time we had our "sit down" as adults and see if we can mend the hurts.  This isn't going to be easy.  There is no cure all.  Its about more than broken toys, gossip, rumors, and physical hurts.  This is finding out who we are as adults.  I agreed with him when he said I don't know him now.  I don't.  But I'd like to change that detail.

I've done my part.  I've tried to contact him yet again.  We'll see where this goes.

Wish me luck.

Remind me to be the mature, loving, understanding person that I know I am with my friends.

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