Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Romantic Love in Five Steps

Last night after quizzing my husband for the board from his study guide we talked about how to improve our relationship.  When he was deployed last year I sent him some books on relationships.  Of course he didn't read all of them but he did read two.  It was a start.  He had asked for the books.

Now that we are a bit more settled into a daily routine we can spend more time working on us.  Our next session at the Family Life Center is next week and I asked my husband if he would be willing to try working on a Romantic Contract.  Its going to be a while before we are ready to sign one but agreeing to do the work book made us both feel good about where our marriage is going.

I am quick to get angry.  I'm also quick to forgive.  I'll tell a person like it is, I'm blunt. I'll walk away to cool down before I get beyond the point of no return.  I try to stay in the rational mind so that I don't say something that I can't take back but I do slip up.  I know I have issues with thanks in part to my upbringing.  My folks would drag us children into their arguments, demanding to know who we would want to live with because they were yelling about divorce right down to lawyers names.  One would go tearing off down the drive way in a car and sometimes the other would go to but in an opposite direction.  My parents are still married.  I wouldn't say its a romantic marriage by any means.  Its more like a marriage of convenience.  They've stayed faithful to one another, but they they never nurtured each other like a healthy relationship should as it matures.  My parents won't say they don't love one another, they'll say they do love each other and sometimes they'll kiss quickly.  They are there for each other through the sickness and health, richer and poorer as their vows demanded. Instead of growing together in a supportive nature they've grown together like moss on a tree; not always a healthy relationship and not a good example for impressionable children.

Too often I see couples get married for all the wrong reason or stay married when there is no love left to give.  Others that divorce could have been happy in their marriages had they been willing to work things out.  Then again there are those marriages that I'm happy to see end, the marriages where one or both partners are abusive.

So we begin with the workbook.  I've read a few of the books that I sent to my husband.  We'll finish the others together now that he is home as they are primarily workbooks that have to be done as a couple.  Its all about what busts our love tank, what can take away from a marriage and how to refill that tank with happiness and love.
Five Steps To Romantic Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Step1  making a Commitment to Build Romantic Love
Step 2  Identifying Love Busters
Step 3  Overcoming Love Busters
Step 4  Identifying the Most Important Emotional Needs
Step 5 Learning to Meet the Most Important Emotional Needs
Of course there is the final chapter about setting aside time for each other.  We all have busy schedules.  This particular book goes hand in hand with two of his other books, Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs.  I have the latter one but not the former.  I'll have to go out and buy the former soon.

This book covers it all from the domestic issues to the sexual ones and how to find fulfillment in all aspects.  If one of us violates any part of the contract we have to sit back and evaluate the why's and how's and then work on fixing it.  Because we are willing to work on issues it means we already have a strong bond.

Just this morning my husband came home from PT, took his shower and accidentally destroyed the shower pouf that I had just put in there this week for him.  I use a scrub brush in the shower as its the only thing that works on my very dry skin.  He felt so bad about tearing up the pouf that he left me a little apology love note on the fridge.  Because he took the time out of his busy morning to write me that one page note with a second page of love and kisses it healed any hurt he thought he inflicted by ruining my shower I would take later this morning.  He forgot that I don't use that pouf.  He thought it was the last one.  I have in plain site, top basket in the bathroom a four pack of poufs for him.  Its just so nice that he wrote that note.  How could I be angry?  He was so quiet this morning that after greeting him with a hello I had fallen back to sleep.  It wasn't until he was about to leave for work that I realized a light was on, he was still in the house.  So I saw the note right off.  I soothed his worries.  He was worried too.  Funny but sad how he thought I'd get angry over a shower pouf.  I do need to work on my quick temper if he thinks that would set me off.

Maybe he is still reeling from my hormones of last cycle with the fertility drugs?  I'm quite docile now without them.  Last night I made the tacos and a loaf of cinnamon bread for him to take to work today.  Tonight I'm make Steak Short Cake.  Odd name I know but I found it in a Depression Era cookbook and thought it would be fun to try out.  Its just homemade baking powder biscuits and beef with a celery soup gravy.

My culinary skills please my spouse.  Actually my skills make him ask if he can do some housework for me to make my life easier.  He knows I tire out easily.  Today he called to tell me he wouldn't be home for lunch as they are still in the motor pool waiting on his truck to be moved and its been two hours of sitting there already.  He asked me how I was and what I was doing.  I told him just two loads of laundry this morning.  He was happy to hear it was only two and said he didn't want me to be too tired.  I could hear the real meaning in his voice that he was glad I wouldn't be too tired to cook.  LOL.  I told him just last night that I love to cook and bake as long as I'm not too tired to do so.

Cooking and baking for me is an act of love.  I love my husband.  I love my friends, usually.  I only do it for those I deem worthy.  If someone has upset me, well none of my cooking or baking will they receive.  I sound like the Soup Nazi!

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