Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Gifting; Is It Better To Receive?

Well last night I received a gift from someone that I had not bought a gift for.  My husband knew an hour before his friend arrived that the guy was going to give us each a gift.  Fair warning would have been nice.  I hate to receive any gift without the chance to give one back because that is how I was taught.

What makes this worse is that the guy giving the gift was the one I mentioned in my blog, He's Not My Friend, and well I felt bad about receiving the gift for two reason.  First reason is that I did blog about him and second is because he gave me something without me giving back.  I graciously accepted the gift, a dvd, How To Train Your Dragon

I do love this particular movie and I watched it at the post theater while my husband was deployed.  My husband has yet to see the movie so we'll end up watching it together.

Now I have a question or two for you readers.

1) If you are given an unexpected gift do you graciously accept it and tell the person you didn't get them one but will get them one later?
2)  Do you just accept the gift and think that in this case its a small repayment for the damage he's done to the furniture?  I guess you'll have to read that blog page to understand what I'm thinking.

I gave the guy a hug and thanked him.  He thought I'd never seen the movie.  I said that I have and I enjoyed it.

After my husband's friend left, must have been at least an hour, I asked my husband if he knew about the gifts before hand.  He said "yes".  I'm wondering if he was so absent minded to not realize that I give gifts back and I would feel awful receiving anything from this friend of his.  He knows how I feel about his friend.  Why did he not warn me?  I asked him that very question.  His reply was, "I didn't think".  I've been hearing that excuse a lot from him lately.  Its not going to fly with me.  I detest being put on the spot like this with my shields down, totally unprepared for a gift from this particular individual.

So to anyone that is reading this, if you are planning on gifting to me this year and I don't know about it you'd best tell me now if you are expecting a gift back.  I've been on the opposite end before and gifted to other people with nothing in return, it can cause hurt feelings on both sides.  I love to give and don't really care if I get in return but I learned my lesson  Christmas 1995.

Ah yes, another typical Christmas horror story told by yet another person.  Picture it, Northern New York 1995 its -40 F that day.  Due to the events that happened I ended up with frost bite on my ear.  A day before Christmas I arrived from Texas with my ex.  All things considered it was a decent 36 hour almost non-stop drive.  I had done my shopping in San Marcos, TX and I shopped well.  There used to be a day when I was younger that I could out shop anyone but no longer as I detest shopping.  I had gifts for everyone that year.  Really nice gifts too.  One was for my persnickety sibling under the tree.  I knew he'd like it.  He's a clothes horse and usually very well dressed.

Christmas morning arrived.  We all opened our gifts.  Everyone was pleased.  One gift was left under the tree.  The one from me to my brother.  He refused to open it.  But why?  He said he had nothing to give back to me.  I didn't care.  My ex did care.  My ex wanted to fight.  My ex had been drinking.  My ex felt insulted. I  decided it was okay I would keep the gift and I'd wear it instead since I liked the gift. 

Because of the fight my brother left the house to not come back as long as we were in residence.  He stayed at my cousin's house.  Tensions were high that year.  My ex floored the gas pedal and fishtailed out of my parents driveway leaving me there to deal with the aftermath.  I don't like dealing with angry, crying parents.  I left on foot walking the mile down the road to where my ex was at his family's house.  I ended up with frost bite on my right ear.  High winds whipping across the snow covered fields and the temps were registering  a negative 40 F.  Yes well below zero and I with no hat or scarf to cover my face, just my thin wool coat and a body used to the Texas heat.

Since that day gift giving for me has changed.  I'm careful to only gift to those that understand I'm giving without the thought of getting back but if they gift me too its okay. I think its truly the only thing I don't like about the holiday season.


  1. I give gifts really quite randomly -- irrespective of holidays or other observances, usually. I give things because some part of my Talent itches me that I can. Somewhere back in the ancient history of blogging -- maybe 2002 or 2003 -- I wrote a post about gifts. I have rarely been so offended as when being accused of trying to "buy" someones' attention because I have the skills to make/gift something particularly suited to the person. It's who and what I am and what I do, and I pretty rarely *expect* anything from /anyone/ giftie or elsewise.

  2. Wow someone actually accused you of trying to "buy" someone's attention? How awful! I've been called a suck up before when it came to gifting, maybe I knew what the person liked better because I paid attention more. I think some folks are just jealous of our gifting abilities...lol !!!


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