CD 20 12 DPO

I listed these preemie to newborn size booties in my shop today along with a newborn pink hat.  Still no sales.  I was truly hoping by now that I would have sold something, given my prices are quite competitive.  However, I do remember that a full month went by the first time I opened my shop before I had a sale.  With the holidays coming up hopefully I'll start to sell a few items.  It's basically my baby hope fund.  One way or another I hope to have a baby and if J gets out this is the only way I can afford it.

Yesterday was a good day.  I practiced my happiness.  Today wasn't so go and its not even half over.  Seriously who eats my bagels when they know I'm the one eating them especially when they have plenty of other food that they can eat?  Sometimes J can be so thoughtless and cold hearted.  I knew he was going to offer to run to the store and get me some at 1030 hrs but I said why bother because by the time you get back it will be lunch time.

I did a HPT this morning and it was negative again.  I packed up the test strips and put them away for another cycle.  Monday at least I'll find out the E2, P4 and of course the HCG.  At this point I'm more interested in the first two so that I can find out what went wrong.  I had the implantation pain and spotting.  I had symptoms then nothing after 8 dpo.  I know the egg quality is an issue.  I had just really hoped that I wouldn't have to possibly waste all of J's money on a DE cycle that might not work.  Especially since we don't know if he can re-enlist yet.

Oh he tells me that he is going to re-enlist.  Sure when?  I'm getting tired of this little game.  I need him to start looking for a job on the outside soon.  I need to look for a job that will accommodate my handicap needs.  If there is a chance he can't  re-enlist we need to face that fact with only 6 months left on this enlistment.  We need to start checking out places we want to move to.   This reminds me of vacation planning.  I do all the planning and he just drives for most of it.  Really maybe I'd like to drive and have him plan.  Its easy to drive.  If you don't like the route or the restaurant or the hotel you can always blame the person that did the planning.

So yes, I'm testy because I can't have that bagel I like to have first thing in the morning.  I can't have him go out and get me one freshly toasted with a shmeer of lox either since soft cheese, until we know via blood test along with sushi is a big no right now.  To those who drink coffee it's like finding that someone used up the last cup and didn't care if you wanted any.