Never A Quick Fix

Have you ever noticed that there is never a quick fix for a problem when you need one?  Everything always takes a lot longer to get done then you'd like.

The economy is going to take a long time to recover.  I don't think that all these budget cuts that they are trying to impose are the correct ones.  I don't think that we do have a quick fix to our deficit.  I really wish that we could just close our doors to the world for one day and get a reset to zero.  I can dream right?

I wish there was a better solution to my sinus infection.  I'm on my second round of antibiotics.  The first antibiotic, Levaquin, started on the 17th and taken for five days failed.  Yesterday I was at the doctor's office, I actually got to see my doctor for the first time in a year, and after taking my vitals I was noted to have a fever.  My blood pressure was great at 124/70.  But the fever showed proof that I still had the infection.  I now have a script of Cefdinir 300mg twice a day for ten days.  Its a relative of Penicillin, of which I'm allergic to so I'm hoping that I won't have any of the dangerous side effects.  So far I'm in the clear.

My marriage is working well enough.  We discussed the wall.  The chaplain and my husband agreed that there is indeed a wall and that the wall has to stay there as long as he has a chance to deploy.  The wall might always be there.  We are now exploring ways in which he can feel comfortable enough to have a middle ground with me.  I have PTSD and my spouse is experiencing PTS without the D or so the Chaplain said.  It hasn't been diagnosed by any means but it is what most soldiers experience when they re-deploy to their stateside assignments.  The culture shock, responsibilities, and roles change when they aren't in a combat zone.  The families just have to accept and encourage.

So we have to work on his socializing.  He can't be pressured into doing too much socializing but he can't be allowed to just sit there and not interact when visiting his family.  I have to encourage him.  I know him best.  But if he says that he'd rather read, watch tv, or play with the computer I'll have to accept his choice.  However, when dinner is being served he has to come to the table and socialize.

I've never been deployed but I have PTSD and I can understand the not wanting to be around crowds.  I have to force myself to socialize.  Usually I find that I can enjoy myself.  My husband will learn to do the same.  Socializing with family, other than me, is entirely different than socializing with the soldiers.  The soldiers know what my husband is going through, most of his family can only guess.  Nothing against you folks, the family that might read this, but unless you are living in the household of a soldier that was deployed you'll not fully understand no matter how much you read on the subject, it has to be experienced.

Maybe if we get that promised two years at home we'll be able to fix most of the problems that arise in our relationship.   For now we deal with situations and feelings as they crop up.  The weeds get pulled and the flowers cultivated.  Unfortunately some weeds will come back, like the dandelion with its long root system you pull and you break it off only to have it sprout back up.  Some problems run deep and will have to be explored to find the source and work from there.

Its not going to be a quick fix.  I'd love a quick fix.

A Wall Divides Us

Photo by me

Right now life for me is like this photograph.  The large path in front of me is blocked by a wall and I have to chose which set of stairs to take in order to get around that wall.  I'd love to blast my way through the stone wall but it is impenetrable to my devices, only he can remove parts of his wall. 

My vision leans more towards the right path.  I want to do the right thing.  I want to promote happiness in my marriage.  The wall is my husband's bad habits.  He could, if he wanted to, remove the stones and make a pathway.  For three years he's been building this fortified wall.  This wall of bad habits has kept many a person from getting close to him.  Now, after three years, he likes this wall.  It protects him.  I want the wall to go away, to disappear.  I'm not understanding of why that wall has to be there between us.  I'm not going to hurt him.

I realize that many a soldier builds similar walls so that they don't have to deal with the family while deployed.  Its better to concentrate on the mission without the distractions of family life.  The wall doesn't mean that they don't love us but it does mean that they refuse to see who we are when they don't want to deal with us.  They hide behind their wall.

So, like the above photo, I have to chose a path to get behind that wall.  He's worked hard at creating that wall and its not going to come down all by itself.  I have to magically get around it to help him remove a few blocks.  I can't expect him to remove all of them.  I know he'll deployed again.  He needs that wall.  But I need him too.

While he is home I need him to be there with me to experience love, joy, and the pain that life gives us.  Of late, I've been angry at him.  I hate his wall.  I don't want it to be there.  I'm at fault for not wanting to understand that its still needed there.  But he has made two paths to get behind that wall.  Now I just need to find the correct path.  I don't want to hurt him.  I can't baby him either as its not productive.  Recently I was not to act like the Drill Sgt nor to act like his mommy. He seems to respond to only one or the other.  I'm trying to be the lover, the wife, the best friend type but that wall looms over us.  Its not going to be easy and I'm not a pole vaulter by no means.

Other soldiers have walls that are one completely smooth surface, they let no one in and their relationships fail.  My guy has blocks.  He'll let me see through the chinks in the mortar from time to time.  Last night for two hours I got to see through a small crack.  He has happiness behind that wall.  His wall holds it in.  He also holds in check his rage.  I'm not sure how he can contain all those emotions that I so freely express.  I'd burst.

Yet Again, No Hot Water

This is getting rather annoying.  Over the Summer our hot water heater malfunctioned, well that's rather polite, and it needed a new element.  Problem solved, or at least until last week.  Last weekend the hot water heater stopped heating yet again.  This time the repairman replaced the heating element, again, and the control valve.  Friday night the hot water heater died again.  This time a different guy replaced the heating element AGAIN!  This morning my husband wanted to take a hot shower before he went to get his hair cut, the hot water heater is dead again.

At 0930 hrs my husband placed a called with Equity explaining the situation.  Equity says that they will have a tech call him within a half hour.  Forty minutes later my husband calls them again.  This time they think they put him on hold and the secretary complained about him to the office personnel. Not a smart person.  Finally she realized her error, did not apologize, and placed him on hold.  Another person picks up the line and says that they will send the tech over with the new hot water heater.  Folks its been close to an hour, still nothing!

Meanwhile, being a survivor of bad conditions, I filled the tub one quarter full with water from the tap.  I boiled four containers, twice over, with water from the tap so that I could have some hot water to bathe with finally.  Its annoying but it could be worse.  I've actually had to cook down snow for drinking water in my adult life. Life hasn't always been this easy for me and I feel pampered when I can turn on the tap and find hot water, or flip on a light switch and there is light. So after being pampered with luxuries of heat, hot water, and light I was annoyed this morning to find no hot water.

I live in a country where water is plentiful.  I pay my bills on time every month.  I should have hot water.  I should have electricity.  In a week's time I've gone without both.  I'm cranky today.  Being handicapped, its not that easy to carry heavy pots of hot water across the house to the bathroom.

My husband is going to call Equity again to find out what the hold up is this time.  I'd like to get the chance to get out of the house today to finish up a bit of shopping, go to the barber, and just relax.  I don't want to not be here for the repairman.  I don't like the idea of a stranger walking through my house.  So I'm going to talk to my spouse right now and see if he wants to go to the barber now and I'll stay here and wait it out.

He agreed to head out and get done what he needed to do.  Time is not on our side today.  Our date didn't go well yesterday at all.  I'm about to give up on Date Night.  Some of you are probably wondering why I had to carry the heavy pots of hot water, well I just asked my spouse.  He had no good reason why he couldn't help out.  He actually said he didn't think about offering to help me.  Yes, we are still having a bit of a problem in that area.  More counseling on Monday.  Hopefully he'll figure out why he can be so thoughtless.  I say thoughtless because, when I ask him about most issues he'll give me the excuse of, "I didn't think".  A year away from us has made him into this type of person.  He slacks off on helping out, plays his video games, seems to have no ambition for getting ahead and just wants to exist without effort.  I had told him I would try to keep him out of my blogs but at this point he is annoying me more than the lack of hot water.

Folks when you are on a date with someone do you rush through the meal you are eating?  We went to a quiet restaurant not far from post.  Its mostly take out and delivery orders so the dining area was empty but for us.  There was no rush to finish our meals.  He finished his soup, egg roll and large platter in about 15 minutes.  I had to take home my entree' minus a few bites.  I asked him about it after we got home.  I was annoyed that he would rush through our couple time just to get home again.  I explained to him that couple time is about reconnecting.  Its about discussing our hopes, dreams, goals and reviewing our past week.  Finding out in general where we need to fix things and where we are good is what Date Night is all about.  Hopefully  the date night would end in some passionate love making but it just didn't happen.  It was like a bad first date.

I do love my husband.  I just wish he would give himself a much needed kick start to his life.  Maybe he needs a new heating element too.

Personal Best

Back home from the best Thanksgiving yet.  The food was wonderful the company even better.  Three tables were set up in one of the dining rooms.

After securing a plate of grub I asked the kids at one table where I would be seated, I saw some milk and soda at a few spaces and knew those were reserved, they said at the adult table.  I guess I've earned the adult table at my age.  They had a smaller table that seated about ten people and another for the other spill overs from mine and theirs would seat six more.  Ten people sat at my table.  All adults.  Parents, grandparents and great grandparents.  With so many mature individuals at one table I would have thought the unexpected wouldn't happen.  However, the unexpected did happen.  I'm not sure who threw the first green bean at the kids' table but a full scale raw green bean war started.  I got beaned many a time.  I threw beans back and I went as far to sneak back to the kitchen for more raw green beans twice.  My husband threw a fist full at the kids after he got tired of just a few random beanings.  Green beans landed in milk, hair, down shirts, and my husband being a clown at heart stuck one in his ear and yelled out, "I don't know who threw this one but it was a good shot!".  Its a good thing the dog wasn't allowed in the house for this event as he's no toy poodle but a large black lab.

Today, much recovered from the beaning, we went shopping.  I dread shopping, unless of course its at an antique store.  HAH!  I've found, finally, that personal gift that my husband could possibly get me at the antique store.  Its something I've always wanted.  Its an antique I can wear.  I use all my antiques.  Even my daily dinnerware are antiques.  Here is a photo of a similar ring online I found.

The stone in this particular ring is much smaller than the ones in the antique store and at a third of the price of this one in the photograph.  The open work is typical of the Edwardian period and the two rings I liked the best were open work with different designs.  One was a bit more worn down than the other but the gem quality was better or so I was told by my cousin.  I'll let my husband make the final decision.  As long as he picks it out I'll be fine with it.  I can always get it sized to fit my finger later.  I've bought antique jewelry before from my home state.

The other personal gift I found today while out shopping is a table weight hand bag hanger for the restaurants.  I detest putting my purse on a dirty floor, or on the table when there is no chair left to hold my hand bag.  They are inexpensive at most being around $10 or less.

So this really was my personal best for a holiday weekend.  One and a half more holidays to go this year.  I say half because New Year's Eve is at midnight between the years.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday this year. If not then maybe the next one will prove better.

Morning Bliss?

Okay so I slept pretty good last night, only three pillows and partially sitting up position.  I have my nebulizer nearby in case the asthma gets so bad that I need it.  I was able to go one night now without taking my rescue inhaler.

I awoke for the final time, I get up several times in the middle of a normal sleep cycle for the bathroom trips due to the fibromyalgia, at about 0800hrs.  I was hoping to get a nice hot shower.  Um, well in a house with nine bedrooms, three full baths, one half bath and currently ten people I got to use the shower but there was no hot water. 

I was desperate enough to tough it out for the cold shower.  I haven't  had to tolerate a cold shower in a few months, not since my hot water heater blew its element this past Summer.  This week it blew a valve too.  Got to love military housing and its glitches.  So well I made it through a cold shower.  I moaned in pain as the cold water sluiced down my back.  At least the cold water is good for my hair, froze my scalp and woke me the heck up but yup I'm warm now!

Snow was falling again by the time I got out of the bathroom.  I love the snow. 

I think the true bliss of the morning was that I was able to enjoy a nice breakfast with family.  There is nothing to replace the noise and smells of a house full of family.  Family and a hot cup of tea is my morning bliss.  Maybe its not yours but I sure as heck enjoyed it.

So now with paper chains well started and several snowflakes snipped out we have some decorations started for the house.  My young cousin and I peeled apples for a pie and laughed at the mess of it.  Did I say how much I love family time?  If I didn't I should have before now.  Okay so its not my family but my husband's family.  But since they aren't my blood kin it makes it all the more fun to learn their odd habits and laugh with them when something goes awry.

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends, my Army family, and to those I've yet to meet but will someday.  May you know bliss this day.  I'm thankful to be able to have my husband and his family with me this year.

Family Time

Well we are doing the family Thanksgiving this year.  Last year my husband was deployed and his family that lives in the area had members with the swine flu so I opted to stay at home for the holidays.

Wish these folks had a cat. I need cat time.  There is nothing so soothing as having a cat in my arms.  Well maybe a good glass of wine would be just as soothing but since we are trying to conceive there won't be wine on my menu this season; at least none for me that is for drinking but possibly only for cooking.

Still trying to complete my wish list so that my husband knows what to get me this year for Yule.  So far it seems as though its a foot spa, a pair of silver earrings, two dvds and baking pans.  I'm not a person that demands a lot from the family for gifts.  I'd rather have something from the heart and especially a gift where the person has put some thought into realizing that they know me well enough to even give me said gift.  This is where we run into problems with the spouse.

Let see, he has been gone for almost three years and I've changed.  Does he remember my likes and dislikes?  Has he paid enough attention to my infrequent shopping trips to note when I'd say, "Oh, I'd like that"?  We'll see.  I'd like a gift where I don't have to share it.  I've always had to share gifts with others.  Its not as though I don't want to share them but it would be nice if I could have a gift from my spouse that doesn't entail me having to share it with him or others.  Dilemma there is that if I get the baking pans I want it does mean that I would end up cooking and baking for other? There is no way I could possibly consume all the calories in any batch of whatever without gaining so much mass I'd have to go up a pant size.

So should I ask for a baking pan type gift?  I'd like to get a few tart pans, preferably 4 inch size and six of those, or maybe a 13 by 4 inch tart pan for desserts.  I have the 9 and 10 inch quiche pans.  I love to cook.  But I'm thinking that since I don't take an allowance, ever, that I rather deserve to just go out and by the baking equipment of my choice when possible because I am the cook for our family unit.  What do you think?

So here I am with his family, I hardly know most of them.  I do love them all.  I'm looking forward to meeting them and getting to know them better tomorrow.

Not Going To Forget This One

Photo by me

Spoke to my lawyers on the East Coast this morning.  Why am I surprised that they are shafting me yet again?  I realize that my case is not a big money draw but it is still an income to the law firm.

I called to find out where my medical supplies are and why I've yet to hear back from my law firm after contacting them early last month.  Hopefully they have it all figured out this time.  I was informed that they did a three way calling with the insurance carrier, medical supply source and themselves to get the he said she said bull crap worked out.  I should now be receiving my medical supplies that stopped in August.

I asked again about the medical fees schedule.  They had forgotten about that obviously by the long pause and then asking me to explain what I needed.  I need the Medical Fees Schedule so that I can go see a doctor for the Work Comp injury  out of the state that I was injured in.  My lawyers inform me that the medical fees schedule is $85.00.  I said I can't afford to pay for the thing.  I haven't been paid in two years.  My husband is military and if you work out the rate of pay per hour with how he is considered available twenty four hours a day he gets paid about twenty cents an hour if that much. "Oh", is the response I get from them.  As if they are in disbelief.

$85.00 is half my fuel budget for the month.  $85 is one third my food budget for the month.  So which one should I rob the money from to pay for something that I was told would not be reimbursed just so that I can be treated by a doctor out of state?  I can't be seen and have it paid for by Workers' Compensation without that fee schedule.  My lawyers don't have a case if I don't get seen by doctors which means they won't get their 15% of any settlement.  Seriously why should I have to pay for the schedule?

Little side note, the natives here don't know how to drive on hard packed snow I guess.  I just watched the repairman use my driveway as a turn around point.  Idiot gunned it and just spun his back tires.  More gas does not mean better traction.  Slow and steady is the best bet.  Don't brake hard either.  Last night I caught a bit of the news and saw the live cam footage of accidents.   So glad I took my driver's road test in a January on snow and ice.  I learned how to parallel park in the snow and ice too.  Where I grew up we had all sorts of crazy weather including tornadoes, hurricanes, blizzards, hail storms, flooding and so on and so forth.

Winter Is Here

photo by me of course

Last night we lost power for about three hours.  It didn't stop me from cooking dinner.  I know how to light the gas stove.  I know where the candles, oil lamps, and matches are located.  My husband even grilled steaks outside by the light of tea light lanterns.  The only thing we had to worry about was staying warm.  The outside temperature had dropped quick and the snow started to fall.

The snow is still falling as I type this blog entry.  Above is a photo I took this morning.  My plants are still blooming which makes it rather nice.  See the photo below.

I'm all set with my Sorrel boots, long black wool coat, gloves, and if needed a hat, the coat does have a nice hood.  I doubt our Winter here will get as cold as it is back home in the North Country.   Most folks living here wouldn't be able to handle the -40 F we experienced back home.

Maybe the snow will accumulate a few more inches and I'll be able to make that snowman I was hoping for yesterday.  Thursday we are due for rain.  For now all is right in the world and the outside for once looks like it should this time of year.  Now to go find where the snow shovel was placed in the garage.

For those of you that read my blog and live in the area, stay safe, drive cautiously, even if some of you are used to the snow back home there are others that are not.

Bright Blessings!

Waiting For The Snow

Plattsburgh, NY circa 1945

My husband informed me this morning that we are due for snow today.  A friend online posted that she saw snow flakes.  I'm still waiting for the snow to show up on this side of the installation.  So far nothing.  I grew up in the North where we had lots of snow on the ground by this time of year.  It wasn't unusual for the kids to be seen trick-or-treating in the snow.  I miss snow.

I have all my Winter gear waiting for me to don it.  I want to go make a snowman.  I want to have a snowball fight.  Last year we had one day of a light dusting of snow before Christmas and that was it.

The only thing I can think that I might be afraid of is driving in the snow with drivers that have never experienced the snow or aren't used to the ice build up which is inevitable.  My first year at this installation I was living in a hotel and we had plenty of flocculation that year.  There were ice ruts on post.  It took me forty minutes to drive five miles because the folks around here just freak when it snows.  Many of the hotel staff were talking about putting chains on their tires.  Growing up where I did I never had to put chains on my tires.  If I couldn't get out of my parents' three hundred foot dirt driveway, that wasn't kept cleaned out on a regular basis, then I didn't go anywhere.  Usually I'd just drop my stick shift into a different gear than first and plow my way out of the snow.

So today, still being sick, I'm going to stay at home as much as possible in the hopes of seeing some snowflakes.

Its A Girl Thing

A sign from the caboose we stayed in this Summer.  Photo by me of course.

Its a girl thing.  Today I dyed my hair.  I've been going grey, or should I say silver, since I was sixteen.  Today I took care of that little problem.  I think its more of a girly thing than a manly thing as most guys, well at least the ones I know, could care less if their hair is going grey as long it is still there.

It always makes me feel better about myself if I dye my hair.  Once a week I'll give myself a manicure, pedicure, and a facial, along with the normal shaving routine at home.  I've only been to a spa once.

I think clearer, have better ideas and just seem to function better when I take care of my girly needs.  I get to thinking about all sorts of things.  Today I thought about my family.  Family really is everything.  Family is your complaint department whether you are complaining about them or to them.  If you are lucky, like me, you'll have a close network of friends that are closer than your own family.  I still try to keep connect with my parents and sibling.

Two out of the blue phone calls yesterday from family reminded of how far away I am from them and not just the physical distance.  I have issues with my own family.  Sure some of it can be attributed to the whole "its not fair" issue that most of us go through growing up with siblings.  Some of my issues stem from abuse, holding grudges; not so much by me but by other family members though there are some slights I still feel from a few.  Maybe its called growing pains for a good reason.  I do think that the transition of eighteen years with any given family could go much smoother than it does with some outside help, but that is the adult in me rationalizing.

So with olive branch extended I made two phone calls today.  I even send two emails.  I'm trying to get our family back together.  Not all that happened to cause the rift was my fault alone, I had some help with that rift from my ex.  No one likes to choose sides, especially when forced to do so.

I don't come from a family that communicates their needs and wants in a respectful manner.  Most of the time its fighting dirty and spreading rumors.  All of us need to learn that things said can be misconstrued, taken out of context and used against us, or just plain hurtful if not said correctly.  I'm no angel with communication.

Over the years, with therapy and college I've learned to be a better communicator.  Yesterday's marriage counseling session went quite well.  I have no problems with my spouse that can't be settled with a little bit of smart dialogue.  Most men are in their logical side of the brain while we women bounce around on both the emotional and logical side.  We anticipate.  We are compassionate.  We get our feelings hurt way too often.  Its a girl thing.

My husband and I are on the path together now.  We are setting goals.  We are going to sign a Love Contract.  We will negotiate, as needed with him not always being able to be around.  Army Life has its drawbacks along with its perks.  Our bonds are stronger now.  All is good.

Now if only I can apply what I've learned, over the years, to the family I left behind.  I have one sibling, an older brother.  He is a survivor, just as much as I am, of a  not so perfect childhood.  Its time we had our "sit down" as adults and see if we can mend the hurts.  This isn't going to be easy.  There is no cure all.  Its about more than broken toys, gossip, rumors, and physical hurts.  This is finding out who we are as adults.  I agreed with him when he said I don't know him now.  I don't.  But I'd like to change that detail.

I've done my part.  I've tried to contact him yet again.  We'll see where this goes.

Wish me luck.

Remind me to be the mature, loving, understanding person that I know I am with my friends.

Love During War

I took this photo over the summer while on vacation with my husband.

Maybe some of you still realize that there is a war going on.  Maybe some of you are sick of hearing about the military.  Maybe some of you have a loved one overseas serving in a war torn country.  I can relate to all of the above because my spouse hasn't been home all that long.  For a while I just wanted to hide inside my home with no news broadcasts, not a whisper of anything military, I didn't want to think about the possible dangers and that my love might not come back home.

I have my hopes up that Obama will hold true to at least one of his promises and let me keep my husband at home for two years.  I don't think I've ever had two years with my husband at home.  Let me think, nope I haven't, but many of the military spouses can understand this as a foreign concept.

Just this week, during lunch, my husband was telling me that they are soon to start their training again.  He told me of a definite assignment coming up for the new year and of another possible one.  I realize that its going to mean he'll not be home for at least a month for each new adventure.  What is a month? its just a short amount of time in comparison to how long he's been gone thus far, but it means a lot more.  It means that yet again I'll be marking off the days on the calendar, this time not just to mark their passing, but now it will mean those empty days and long nights I've survived yet again.

I didn't marry a military guy.  I married a civilian.   Sure I've been associated with the military before and I even worked for the Department of Defense once upon a time.  Still it never prepares the family for when the soldier has to leave.  And leave they must because someone has to go out there and fight for freedom.

There are way too many left behind with open wounds in their hearts.  Our soldiers leave us to go do a mission.  They take us with them in their hearts and try to leave us with a bit of theirs as well.

The last two weeks before my husband deployed were shear HELL!  The last two weeks are supposed to be spent with immediate family only for a darn good reason.  I think we are the only ones that can understand truly that our soldier becomes a grouch before they leave.

The nightmares, night sweats, stress, and anger come on in those last two weeks.  Most of us try not to remember those last two weeks with our spouse as they aren't the memories we want to tide us over for the entire deployment.  We argued.  We loved.  We knew our time was down to just hours the last day.  Would those precious few hours be the last I would hold him?  I kept hope that I would see him again.  I'm one of the lucky that was able to hold my soldier again.  Kiss him again.  Make love with him again.  He wasn't the same guy that left me behind but I was no longer the same woman he left behind either.

Now, almost four months after he re-deployed we are still putting back together us.  Look at the above photo of the heart made of rock.  If you take out a rock you leave a hole.  Its that rock we are trying to find.  One to stand on and build from. We might have found that rock and now we just have to make it fit for us both.

This afternoon is another session of marriage counseling at the Family Life Center.  I look forward to today's session knowing that we are both willing just to be there.  There is no quick fix to a year apart.  We can't get back what we missed.  The experiences we both had over the past year were not shared together but apart.  Our paths are merging together again, slowly, so that we don't miss that precious rock that will complete us.

Remember love is the rock you build your life on.

No Appointments Available

After a sleepless night due to sinus pain and a jaw that is locking up I decided to call the Tricare Appointments Line.  I was hoping to get in today or at the latest by Friday.  Wishful thinking on my part.  Tricare informs me that the soonest they could get me in to see a provider would be the 30th of November.  Wow, really?  The clerk on the phone tells me that my other option would be the Emergency Department.  I'm a category 4 or 5 with this sinus infection and locking jaw, I have TMJ.

Okay so no appointment for me.  My husband was at PT this morning as most soldiers are at 0700hrs.  So I walked the one mile in the rain to the Emergency Department.  I left a note for my husband on the kitchen counter with the light on telling him where he could find me if need be and the reason why of course.  Yes, I did walk there and no I didn't take my cane with me.  The cane would have slowed me down.  Yes I got talked at for not using my cane when I got there.

At 0830hrs my husband shows up at the Emergency Department looking for me.  I was willing to walk home.  I know that he has a class today and I didn't want him to be late for it.  But he called his first line and told him the situation.  They guy was nice enough to let my husband be late to class today so that he could take me home.

Thankfully within ten minutes of my husband arriving I was discharged.  Off to the pharmacy.  Luck was on my side with the pharmacy this morning and I only waited ten minutes to get my medicines.  Levaquin, Isolep, Mucinex D, and Tylenol were prescribed but of course they don't dispense all that and I'm smart enough to keep the over-the-counter medicines on hand at home.  I don't like taking Levaquin as it messes up my stomach but I'm allergic to three types of antibiotics so I just deal with it.  The Isolep mouthwash is a new one on me.  It contains Diphenhydramine and Lidocane, they compound it themselves at the pharmacy.  Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight.  I was diagnosed with Acute Sinusitis.

My instructions for discharge were to secure an appointment in 2-3 days.  So when I got home I called the appointment line again.  Still no luck.  Seriously?  I mean I just got out of the ER!  One would think that would put me at a higher priority but no.

Tricare really needs to be revamped.  I'm not sure what benefits it does allow now since I'm being denied appointments and haven't seen my Primary Care Provider in a year.

Men and women sign on to the military knowing that if they have family members they will be covered by insurance through the military.  But what they aren't told is that the family members don't get the care that is necessary and often go without diagnostic tests because of budget cuts.  Tricare no longer allows yearly Pap exams ladies.  If you have had two negative Pap exams in a row you are now put on the every other year list for Pap exams, they did this to me just this year and there is cancer in my family.  Nor is the Pap exam done by the OB/GYN any longer, its now done by the PA or Nurse on duty, unless you are active duty then you get to see the OB/GYN.  This would not be tolerated in civilian medicine.  Too many budget cuts to our medical have caused the family members to go untreated.

A year ago they found just one cyst on my thyroid.  This year I now have two and they've decided I can go three to five years before I'll be seen for it again.  What is wrong with this picture.  My cyst multiplied.  I had an aunt have to have her thyroid removed.  Hello, family history.  I should be monitored once a year.

On my EFMP paperwork it states I should be seen by my Primary Care Provider once a month, not the PA or Nurse.  It also lists the specialists I'm supposed to see and how often.  Why is it so hard for me to get the proper care?

Why are there no appointments available for family members within a reasonable amount of time for urgent care?

I follow the rules and avoid the ER and according to their slide show I try to make an appointment with my Primary but to no avail.  Sheesh!

Line Is Drawn

Last night we had one heck of a wind storm.  This morning I awoke to a line of leaves drawn on my front lawn finished off by a garbage can lid.  I count myself as one of the lucky ones.  My husband informed me that the sawing noises I hear are from several trees being knocked down around the neighborhood.  One tree, he told me, was about fifty feet tall.  Thankfully it missed the housing area.

I'm always prepared for bad weather.  Brought up where I was I learned to keep oil lamps full, candles and flashlights on hand and matches out where I can access them.  I freak with high wind storms.  I've seen what the fury of the wind can do to a person's home, land, and personal property.  Give me rain, thunder, lightening, hail, and snow and I'm all for tucking in for a long nap.  Wind will keep me up all night.

When our lights flickered off and on for a few hours I asked my spouse if he wanted to head to bed early.  I'd rather not be near any large windows.  Yes, I'm that afraid.  So we retired early.  I stayed up reading until past 0100hrs.  Overwhelming fatigue finally closed my eyes.

This morning dawned with a brightness that made me think of Summer.  We didn't have a Summer season here this year.  We had perhaps a total of a week, sporadic days adding up, of warm weather this year.  With my fibromyalgia I can often forget what day, week, or month it is so that when I saw the brightness of this morning I thought, "oh its July".  Nope, not even close.

One more thing to wake up to was what I saw in my email.  It seems as though, not only is the Gov't going to try to pass a pay freeze of three years on military pay its also going to cut benefits and charge more to veterans.  Not nice.  One more line is drawn in the war on the Gov't.

Maybe the politicians, in order to cut spending, should consider freezing their own pay or perhaps even cutting their own wages by twenty percent.

Maybe they should consider freezing the pay of the Gov't contractor too.  Some of the Gov't contractors are paid more than my spouse for the same work.

Oh I have plenty more ideas on how to save money.  How about letting the Army Engineers do the work of the Army Corps of Engineers, who are civilians?  Less pay out per person by having a soldier do the work and its good for training to keep their skill levels on par with civilians.

How about running the military with military personal?  I go to JAG and find civilians working there.  I'm sure some E-1 to E-6 could fill the slot of the clerk position easily enough.

Same goes with the military medical treatment facilities.  Have the military fill those slots too.  I bet we could save some money with just those changes.

Plus being military run and military filled they'd better understand how the families feel and help with their needs than the bureaucrats that presently fill those positions.   When soldiers are deployed and I go to see a civilian contracted medical person I don't get a doctor but I do get a PA or Nurse.  I used to have a military medical doctor, yes a real doctor, but not anymore.  Seems as though the Gov't would rather out source and pay more.  But this is just my opinion.

Go to  the link below and read what the Gov't wants to change and how it might just affect you.
http://militaryadvantage.military.com/2010/11/battle-looms-over-military-pay-freeze/

After reading the article and my thoughts, please feel free to share your opinion below.  I'd love to read your comments.

Just a Tad Cranky

I didn't get much sleep through the dark hours of the night.  I was up about once an hour.  Sometimes its due in part to the Fibromyalgia pain sometimes because of the bladder.  Last night it was the cover hog I share the bed with, namely my spouse.  He swears he doesn't steal the covers on purpose.  I get up and find them wrapped around him.  I'm perfectly content to sleep cuddled up next to him as long as he shares the blankets.

After he left for work I snuck in another hours sleep. I would have slept longer but the sound of rapid gun fire woke me up.  I sometimes forget that I live on a military installation, my little bubble of happiness.  It could have been a lot worse, it could have been artillery rounds like last week.

I get up out of bed, amble into the office and turn on the computer.  Where is my chair?  I look widely to the left and find it almost out of peripheral vision.  I didn't leave it there.  I pull my chair back into place in front of the computer.  On to the next room.

I open up the curtains in the living room and find my spouse has left unopened food on the floor and a bottle of water.  Was he considering a midnight picnic for one?  I'm sure it could have been a lot worse.

On to the kitchen next to put on the kettle for tea.  I empty out the dish rack of the plastics and cooking implements.  I find that my brand new, pretty yellow dish cloth is now blackened.  What the heck did he clean up?  I know the black won't come out now.  So I decide to use cleanser in the sinks and hope it lightens the black to brown.  Now I find that the water is just sitting in the sink over the garbage disposal.  Great what now?  Did he forget to run it again over the weekend when he cooked for himself and his buddy?  I run the disposal.  I now know the sound of glass grinding and popping in the disposal.  Some of it sprayed up into my face.  Not happy with that at all.  I'm fine.

I shut it off, grab my flashlight and look down in the disposal. I found one piece of glass. Turning off the circuit breaker for the disposal I reach into the garbage disposal and remove the piece of glass.  Why me?

I called my spouse on his cell to ask why I found what I found. He had no idea.  As for the dish cloth he said he cleaned off his coffee pot with it.  I looked over at the coffee pot, its disgusting, I don't drink coffee.  I placed the pot in the sink, added soap and hot water to let it soak.  He obviously didn't clean the pot with the dish cloth.  It more likely that he cleaned the filthy hot plate part while it was still hot causing the burn marks on the dish cloth.  White vinegar or even CLR would have cleaned it up and using a rag not a new dish cloth.  In the past three weeks he has turned three new dish cloths into dust rags.

I love my husband.  Usually he is pretty thoughtful.  I'm guessing this is just a Monday thing.  I'm rather afraid to look too closely about the rest of the house as to what I might find next.  He had to go hunt down his gortex this morning before work.  I know there is a mess waiting for me but I'm not going to clean it up.  Nope I'm going to listen to the Chaplain who told me not to clean up after him any more.  This isn't going to be easy for me as I like to have a clean house.  So if there is a mess its not me who created it but me who refused to clean up after the mess maker.

Manners

My dreaded weekly trip to the grocery store went as per usual.  I detest shopping.  Its not so much the price of the items but rather the interactions with the humans that think shopping is a contact sport.

What ever happened to having manners?  There is just no excuse for their rudeness.  Thursday, when I was at the aquarium, I got tread on by children and adults.  One child plowed right into me and knocked me into my spouse.  I looked down at her and said, "have you ever heard of excuse me?".  Her mom looked at me and said she was sorry.  She even tried to make her daughter say she was sorry too.  The child refused.  Her mother said she is awfully shy.  I somehow doubt the child is shy.  A shy child would not plow her way to the front of a display.  I would know, I was a shy child.  I'm disabled.  Do they not see my cane in hand?

At the commissary I was nearly run over by a female employee.  I was trying to get a better look at the anti-wrinkle creams, I have dark circles under my eyes big time, when the employee walks tight to the shelf in front of me.  I say, "excuse me".   I know she has to understand enough English to have her job.  She was just being rude.  When I was in the aisle with the vitamins an older man runs his cart into my side.  I guess he wants me out of his way.  My cart is no where near 1/4 full and my cane is quite visible  in the cart.  I say to  him, "excuse me", no less than three times.  Maybe he was deaf.

Is it possible that our society has become deaf to polite interjections?

Are we all out to get what we want at any cost?

Am I the only one left that says, "excuse me", "pardon me", "thank you", "your welcome", and "have a nice day"?

Are we as a society just too wrapped up in our own world with the blue tooth, i-tunes, and cell phones in hand to pay attention to those around us?

Unplug yourself from the electronics while shopping and see what I see and hear.  I bet you'll be surprised.

Spend one day just observing the shoppers in their natural habitat.  Maybe it will make you a better person.

I don't exercise my privileged to go to the head of the line at the commissary.  I know that most of you have been waiting just as long as I have and want to get out of there too.

Taking Time Off

Today is usually the day that my husband and I go on a date.  I'm not really sure if we are going to go out or just stay in today.  I'm tired.  I've laundry and cleaning to do and he has yard work.  Even though we don't have a tree in our front yard some how we end up with oak and maple leaves all over it.

Yesterday my husband and I went down to the county court house and applied for our concealed pistol licenses.  We'll know in about a month if we are approved.  We both had to be fingerprinted.  Last time I was fingerprinted was when I was working for the Department of Defense.  Many years later they have the electronic fingerprinting system which is so much easier to clean up after.  No more ink stains on the dry skin.  I'm already liking this system. The clerk informed us that our street is well armed.  Well it should be, we live on a military installation.

The three of us went driving around the county in pursuit of firearms that were paid for while deployed.  Our friend bought a nice rifle while deployed and had to go pick it up.  My husband bought a handgun while he was deployed and had to finish up the paperwork on that yesterday.  The handgun should have been in his possession back in August but due to the fact that a lot of soldiers decided to purchase the same item, they were back ordered until now.  There is also a discrepancy in the amount we were charged and what the purchase order states.  The gun shop was trying to collect the tax from us last night when I said hold on there a minute we already paid the tax on this once.  So now we are trying to get in touch with the manufacturer of the weapon to get an itemized bills showing what was actually on the list of charges.  $75.25 is unaccounted for of which we were charged and that is just about what the gun shop owner was trying to charge us yesterday.  I was fine with the additional $35.00 transfer fee but I'm not about to pay out taxes a second time!

After two days of a lot of driving, walking, and just being away from home I think I'll opt for a date night in. Two days of skipping meals, not drinking enough water and trying to keep up with soldiers is enough to wear me out.

Veterans' Day With Two Soldiers

These two soldiers have known each other on three continents.  They became good friends while stationed in Korea and even deployments, through different brigades, still maintain a great friendship.

I had the honor of eating dinner out with them last night.  One of the best nights out in history was had by all three of us.  Our minds were in the gutter.  I told the waitress that one of them liked her and that he was single.  No I wasn't drinking.  We were loud, we laughed, we had fun.

Our friend stayed the night, we watched Harry Potter of all things on the television last night.  They were cool with it.  Both actually enjoy it too.  This morning the two of them were playing games on the xbox.

Our friend will be leaving the service soon but that won't stop us from staying in contact with him.  Good friends always remain close even though distance separates them.

Oh and I want his car.  lol  No seriously he just bought a 77 Cobra.  Sweet too.  Some day I'll have my dream car.

Today I'm exhausted.  My husband and I spent the morning at the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium.  A lot of walking, stairs and ramps.  After a while the ramps became more painful than any set of stairs so I opted to take the stairs back to the parking lot after finishing the zoo.  Yes, even with cane, purse, and camera in hand I finished the zoo!

It really was a day of Peace yesterday.  Thank you to all the Veterans out there.  I owe you my undying gratitude for all your sacrifices.

No See, No Hear, No Speak...A RANT

There are days I want to be like one or all of the chimps and just not know.   Of late its been all three.

I live on Post.  I follow the rules and regulations.  Why can't the others around me?  My husband and I must be perfect or something because we don't break the regs. as far as I know.

I don't call in those who violate policies on this post unless they are really annoying or are a hazard to themselves or the community.  But tell me how hard is it to follow the rules?

I don't want to see you letting your dog poop on my lawn or pee on it.  This is my front yard, we mow it, we seed it, we fertilize it and I don't want your dog excrement on my lawn.

In effect this month is the twenty-four hour rule of the trash and recycling bins.  If you don't get your trash can off the side walk or out of the road within the alloted time of twenty-four hours you will be cited.  I find it extremely annoying that folks are just too lazy to move their bins.  I have to walk on those side walks as do the children going to and coming home from school.  MOVE YOUR BINS!

Those of you that refuse to park your vehicle in your garage are also in violation of housing codes.  Your garage is meant to house your vehicle.  If your vehicle is too large for your garage have the decency to at least park it in your drive way.  Some of us would like to be able to back out of our own driveways without hitting your guests vehicles or your vehicle. Blocking a resident's driveway is just WRONG.  I've had that happen a few times in the almost two years of living here.  My driveway is not your turn around point for your vehicle.  Just today, with my garage door open, I had some grey suv pull right up my driveway and almost into my garage.  I thought she would park there but no she was just turning around.  If you have to turn around you don't need to use my whole driveway.  Some folks need to go back through drivers education.   I've even found strange vehicles parked in my driveway.  My house is obviously lived in, I have flowers out front, a name placard, and a leaky cauldron sign so what were they thinking? A few of my friends, in some post housing areas, don't even have driveways or garages.  I really feel for them.  Parking is first come, first serve in their areas.

If you see a No Parking Zone sign it means just that, Don't Park There.  Unless you are an emergency vehicle you have no business being on that side of the street.  The loop going around the hospital here on post is becoming difficult to navigate with all the illegally parked vehicles.  There is adequate parking for the staff in the staff parking lot.  If you can't find a spot you should consider carpooling as it would benefit the environment and cause less accidents for those of us that do live in the area.

Pay Day weekends are just too noisy here in the community.  I don't want to hear your guests outside on your front area or even the backyard for that matter at 0200hrs yelling, barfing, hooting, hollaring, or arguing.  Put a cork in it already. Some of us want to sleep.  You can talk all you want outside just remember that you don't have the right to shout.  Speak at a normal inside voice volume during the hours of 2200- 0700hrs if you are going to be outside.  Oh and don't give me that crap about being in your own home, if you have those windows open and are making loud noises its pretty much the same as being outside as I can still hear you very easily.  Have some curtsy.

I don't want to hear your car stereo blasting before 0700hrs or after 2200hrs nor am I supposed to tolerate it.  There are regulations about noise on this military installation.  If you want to yell, blast your stereo or make any other loud noise between those hours GO SOME WHERE ELSE!  Off -Post would be nice.

Those of you that are military should remember that you are responsible for your dependents and your guests.  If they violate the policies here on post you are the one that will get in trouble when your chain of command finds out.  Set an example.  If you want to party on post you can do so but follow the rules and your neighbors will enjoy their own free time too. If you want to be a jerk with your party you ruin the free time for the soldiers in your neighborhood.  We will turn you in.

If you park in my driveway without my permission or block my driveway without my permission I will have you towed.

If you let your animals ruin my lawn of which we have worked so hard on, I will take a photo of you, find out who you are and turn you in.

If you can live by the regulations set forth for all residents here on post we will be great neighbors.  I'm not a bitch.  I'm just tired of you violating my rights for peace and quiet during the structured hours.  I'm just tired of you not respecting my residence.  I'm really sick and tired of you violating the policies on our military installation that were put there to protect us all from idiots like you.

If you don't like having to live by the regulations then move off post.  There are plenty of places off post you can dwell.  Oh and take your guests with you when you do leave as I don't want them left behind.

Romantic Love in Five Steps

Last night after quizzing my husband for the board from his study guide we talked about how to improve our relationship.  When he was deployed last year I sent him some books on relationships.  Of course he didn't read all of them but he did read two.  It was a start.  He had asked for the books.

Now that we are a bit more settled into a daily routine we can spend more time working on us.  Our next session at the Family Life Center is next week and I asked my husband if he would be willing to try working on a Romantic Contract.  Its going to be a while before we are ready to sign one but agreeing to do the work book made us both feel good about where our marriage is going.

I am quick to get angry.  I'm also quick to forgive.  I'll tell a person like it is, I'm blunt. I'll walk away to cool down before I get beyond the point of no return.  I try to stay in the rational mind so that I don't say something that I can't take back but I do slip up.  I know I have issues with thanks in part to my upbringing.  My folks would drag us children into their arguments, demanding to know who we would want to live with because they were yelling about divorce right down to lawyers names.  One would go tearing off down the drive way in a car and sometimes the other would go to but in an opposite direction.  My parents are still married.  I wouldn't say its a romantic marriage by any means.  Its more like a marriage of convenience.  They've stayed faithful to one another, but they they never nurtured each other like a healthy relationship should as it matures.  My parents won't say they don't love one another, they'll say they do love each other and sometimes they'll kiss quickly.  They are there for each other through the sickness and health, richer and poorer as their vows demanded. Instead of growing together in a supportive nature they've grown together like moss on a tree; not always a healthy relationship and not a good example for impressionable children.

Too often I see couples get married for all the wrong reason or stay married when there is no love left to give.  Others that divorce could have been happy in their marriages had they been willing to work things out.  Then again there are those marriages that I'm happy to see end, the marriages where one or both partners are abusive.

So we begin with the workbook.  I've read a few of the books that I sent to my husband.  We'll finish the others together now that he is home as they are primarily workbooks that have to be done as a couple.  Its all about what busts our love tank, what can take away from a marriage and how to refill that tank with happiness and love.
   
Five Steps To Romantic Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Step1  making a Commitment to Build Romantic Love
Step 2  Identifying Love Busters
Step 3  Overcoming Love Busters
Step 4  Identifying the Most Important Emotional Needs
Step 5 Learning to Meet the Most Important Emotional Needs
Of course there is the final chapter about setting aside time for each other.  We all have busy schedules.  This particular book goes hand in hand with two of his other books, Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs.  I have the latter one but not the former.  I'll have to go out and buy the former soon.

This book covers it all from the domestic issues to the sexual ones and how to find fulfillment in all aspects.  If one of us violates any part of the contract we have to sit back and evaluate the why's and how's and then work on fixing it.  Because we are willing to work on issues it means we already have a strong bond.

Just this morning my husband came home from PT, took his shower and accidentally destroyed the shower pouf that I had just put in there this week for him.  I use a scrub brush in the shower as its the only thing that works on my very dry skin.  He felt so bad about tearing up the pouf that he left me a little apology love note on the fridge.  Because he took the time out of his busy morning to write me that one page note with a second page of love and kisses it healed any hurt he thought he inflicted by ruining my shower I would take later this morning.  He forgot that I don't use that pouf.  He thought it was the last one.  I have in plain site, top basket in the bathroom a four pack of poufs for him.  Its just so nice that he wrote that note.  How could I be angry?  He was so quiet this morning that after greeting him with a hello I had fallen back to sleep.  It wasn't until he was about to leave for work that I realized a light was on, he was still in the house.  So I saw the note right off.  I soothed his worries.  He was worried too.  Funny but sad how he thought I'd get angry over a shower pouf.  I do need to work on my quick temper if he thinks that would set me off.

Maybe he is still reeling from my hormones of last cycle with the fertility drugs?  I'm quite docile now without them.  Last night I made the tacos and a loaf of cinnamon bread for him to take to work today.  Tonight I'm make Steak Short Cake.  Odd name I know but I found it in a Depression Era cookbook and thought it would be fun to try out.  Its just homemade baking powder biscuits and beef with a celery soup gravy.

My culinary skills please my spouse.  Actually my skills make him ask if he can do some housework for me to make my life easier.  He knows I tire out easily.  Today he called to tell me he wouldn't be home for lunch as they are still in the motor pool waiting on his truck to be moved and its been two hours of sitting there already.  He asked me how I was and what I was doing.  I told him just two loads of laundry this morning.  He was happy to hear it was only two and said he didn't want me to be too tired.  I could hear the real meaning in his voice that he was glad I wouldn't be too tired to cook.  LOL.  I told him just last night that I love to cook and bake as long as I'm not too tired to do so.

Cooking and baking for me is an act of love.  I love my husband.  I love my friends, usually.  I only do it for those I deem worthy.  If someone has upset me, well none of my cooking or baking will they receive.  I sound like the Soup Nazi!

Finances and Fun

Finances and Fun were the agenda for this morning, a typical Monday morning here on post.  In the times between PT and Work Call my cousin called me.  Since I was awake it was no problem to chat with her.  There are some Monday mornings I just need to sleep in to recover but since we changed the clocks back yesterday my bio-rhythms are all messed up.  My routine is shot.

My cousin and I discussed the situation at hand.  Seems like we are in the same boat more often then not with our families and both of us being married to Army guys.  Money is tight and family is always a distance away.

I have to admit that I'm pretty good with the pay.  Even today I was printing out my husband's credit report at www.annualcreditreport.com  
I had printed out my own report last month but had to get another ink cartridge for the printer in order to print his report.  Every year I print them.  I like seeing who has been looking at our credit report under the inquiries section.  I feel as though its a wise thing to do because of so much identity theft and fraud my friends have been reporting.

To make our small income, I'm disabled and don't work, stretch each month I've learned to plan meals.  Tonight we are having tacos.  With the planned meals it means we can splurge once in a while like last week Friday when we went on a date to La Creme Brulee'.

Bargain hunting, shopping with coupons, waiting for sales, looking for clearance deals all help with stretching the military budget.  Better yet, think long and hard about that major purchase.  My husband has been wanting a new vehicle since he got back.  Just this Saturday we had to have a major brake job done on our SUV.  $800.00 later the car will stop like it should without fear of hitting something or someone.  I knew that we'd be needing that brake job later this year so while he was deployed I saved up for the work.  Its all about rationalizing spending.  I could have done like so many other spouses when their husbands were deployed and gone on shopping sprees but I knew that the temporary rush of having something new just wouldn't help later on when I needed something repaired and couldn't afford it.

Kudos to me!  While my spouse was deployed I saved enough to pay off our SUV loan.  I still had enough left so that when he got back home we could go on vacation without having to worry about how we'd pay it off.  Even now with the brake job I still had enough to cover that expense and another emergency should it arise, of which I really hope it doesn't.

It can be done.  Its not easy.  But I like knowing we don't owe out more than we can bring in each month.

Over the weekend we did a fun, free, family building event here at home.  Though we aren't Christians it doesn't mean that we don't decorate for the Winter holidays.  We celebrate Yule which does come before Christmas.  Construction paper, printer paper, glue sticks, and scissors are something I usually have on hand.  I've learned that if I decorate with my own hand made decorations I can make my house really something special. This year with my husband home he wants to add color into the paper chains.  Last year I did all white chains and snowflakes.  I tore the paper and he glued together chains while watching movies on the television and chatting about what we wanted to get done in the near future.

Below are the photos of how I decorated last year at my house.

I'm hoping this year with the addition of color to the chains it looks even better.  The first year I started the paper chains was when I was living in the hotel off-post for five months.  I purchased a potted tree, later it was planted in the ground, and made chains and snowflakes.  It doesn't cost much to make your own decorations and it can be fun for the family, who knows you might bond over gluing chains.

Time Changes Everything, Or Does It?

(Photo: Nick White / Getty Images)

After reading an article on Yahoo.com about Daylight Savings Time I'm inclined to think that we really don't need the extra hour of sunlight with the time change in the Spring.  Here is the article, I'll let you make your own opinions but I'll still state mine here.
 http://shine.yahoo.com/event/green/do-we-still-need-daylight-saving-time-2407402/

Twice a year I would ask myself and others, as far back as my memory can stretch on a good day, the question of why do we need to change our time?

I find the time change to be a real pain in the butt.  The time change messes with my sleep schedule taking me nearly a week to recover.  I'll be pacing the floors at night being wound up with energy still or possibly oversleep my alarm clock.

The majority of us are not farmers who would possibly depend on the extra sunlight to get our chores done or crops planted and harvested during the extra sunlight months.  The farmers I'm sure have suitable alarm clocks that would wake them up just fine if we stayed on standard time.

Quote from the article link above:
'Michael Downing, a teacher at Tufts University and the author of “Spring Forward: The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time,” says messing with the clock doesn’t really save energy. “Daylight saving is still a boon to purveyors of barbecue grills, sports and recreation equipment, and the petroleum industry, as gasoline consumption increases every time we increase the length of the daylight saving period,” Downing told MNN. “Give Americans an extra hour of after-dinner daylight, and they will go to the ballpark or the mall — but they won't walk there.”
Daylight saving time increases gasoline consumption, according to Downing. “It is a convenient and cynical substitute for a real energy conservation policy.”'

So rather than us Americans using up more fossil fuels with our daylight savings time how about we stay on standard time and use less of those fuels?  Just get a dependable alarm clock.

The more electronic devices I own, which somehow seems to grow with each year as more become necessary in this electronic age, the more time I have to spend twice a year re-setting those clocks on the devices.  Not all of them come with automatic time changes in them.  The few electronic devices that are Pre-Bush, with his new changing the date of falling back, like to reset themselves too early each year because they had a built in daylight savings time calendar program.  Which again is rather annoying.  It seems as though the only clock in my house I can depend on is the battery operated one in the kitchen.  It will keep its analog time going just fine during a black out and is the easiest to change twice a year.

So how many of you are disgusted with the hassle of the twice yearly time changing?

How many of you would like to stay on standard time all year round?

If you prefer these twice yearly changes, why?  Tell me.  I'd really like to know why.

Fertility Break and Tricare Rant

Tuesday I was to call Tricare to schedule a fertility consult.  Scratches head as to why I needed one yet again as the last one wasn't that long ago.  I mean just give me an appointment already.  After the nurse called me yesterday with the results, of which were negative, the fertility clinic calls me.

The fertility clinic informs me I can't get in to see them until January and that they don't have a schedule up for January yet.  So I tell them that I'll use my clomid until I see them.  They tell me I can't do that and that I have to be monitored with ultrasound and blood work.

In all the times I've used fertility drugs and been under the care of fertility doctors I've yet to have an ultrasound except to prove that I was indeed pregnant.  When I was on fertility shots I never had an ultrasound.

I explain to the clinic nurse that called that I'm fine taking this medicine on my own and that I'll just go in for the blood work when I'm supposed to.  I've been on it before and have been instructed that I'll be fine to take it, by their doctor no less, when my husband got home from his deployment of which I'm doing now.  She argues we me about their policy and that fertility is not a benefit its a privilege that they can grant.  So they are now the guardians of my reproduction rights? I'm not allowed to reproduce without their permission?

Just before the deployment I had my last fertility work up at this installation.  I'm not a new patient.

 Me: So if I take the clomid are the fertility police going to arrest me?

Her: No.  But we don't want you taking it without our supervision.  Please hold.

She comes back on the line and all of a sudden has an appointment for me on the 3rd of December.  During that hold she looked over my chart and realized I had already gone through the HSG, blood work, ultrasound, and for the spouse the semen analysis. 

I had explained to  her before the above that the only reason we stopped trying was that my husband had deployed and we couldn't bank his semen.  The military does not pay for banking of semen.  They do not pay for IVF or IUI.

Me: I thought my insurance allowed me to have the clomid.

Her:  Its a privilege not a benefit.

So two years ago at West Point it was a benefit.  Talk about budget cuts.  Two years ago I was informed that they would pay for banking my spouses semen.  Not anymore.  I'm starting to wonder what Tricare does cover because the quality of care that I receive is not at the highest it could or should be.  I haven't seen my PCM, who is a real doctor, since before my husband deployed.  I keep getting pawned off to the nurse or PA.  I was informed yesterday that my PCM is now back at my clinic and has been for sometime.  So why did the have a PA fill out my EFMP paperwork?  The PA that messed up the paperwork!

I think I had better medical coverage when I was using Family Health Plus in college.  At least I got to see a doctor, a real doctor at that, and had tests preformed in a timely manner.  I've yet to get that referral to see the neurologist from the auto accident of  2 year years ago.  My doctor in NY told me I had to see one.  Its in my records that I was to be referred to one as soon as I got to this duty station.  Here, the majority of health care providers on post just don't care.   I can think of only one, KK, and she was my physical therapist.  She is the exception to the rule.  I think if Tricare found out she had a heart they'd fire her.

After my little dialogue with the nurse she gives me an appointment for December.  I'm in finally.  I'll let them monitor me.  Until then I had to promise to not use the fertility drugs.  The nurse was quite upset to find that that last doctor gave me a four months supply of the drug.  Well I'm guessing he thought I was smart enough to know how to take it on my own with the home tests being just dandy.  She figures not.  Oh well.  I have the appointment now and will keep it.  They have two doctors on staff now that deal just with fertility.  I was lucky to even get an appointment.

Date Night; French Food

Tonight my husband asked me out on a date.  I was still all dressed up from the doctor's appointment I had early this morning.  Why not?  I looked good today.  I felt even better too.

We couldn't decide on what we wanted to eat before we left the house so I turned on our portable navigation system and hit French for food choices.  I've learned to make some very tasty French dishes this year and my husband has enjoyed eating them.

The nearest French restaurant to our military installation was La Creme Brulee. 
http://www.lacremebrulee.com/

Wonderful food.  For starters we both had the  Soupe A L'Oignon.  Its actually French Onion Soup for those who aren't familiar with the French language.

My entree' was the Pasta Rigate with Shrimps, Spinach and Clams served with a Creamy Garlic Sauce and side salad.  Large portions.  I ended up taking half my bowl home with me.

My husband had the Traditional Boeuf Bourgignon with Carrots, side salad and Pomme Frites which are french fries.

The service is excellent and so is the atmosphere.  I do recommend reservations.  We didn't have one but were lucky enough to get a table, not an easy feat on a Friday night.

They took an old bar and turned it into a server station which made the place quite unique.  French music was piped in through the sound system with a slide show of places in Europe, not just France.

"French born and Parisian schooled Chef Bertrand, an authentic award-winning Parisian chef, has worked in world-class restaurants all over the world.  From fine restaurants in Paris, New York, Los Angeles and The Orient, Chef Bertrand now brings his unique blue ribbon expertise and delicious European cuisine, affordable choice wines and delectable desserts to our small corner of the world.
La Crème Brûlée (The Burnt Cream) French Bistro, located in the heart of Steilacoom’s historical district, opened its doors in the midst of a beautiful red-skyed sunset on a quiet warm-breezy late summer evening in September, 2005.  After viewing the breathtaking panorama of Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains that only Steilacoom affords, Chef Bertrand fell in love with the little town and decided to open his restaurant on Lafayette Street.  He was so inspired by the beauty and majesty of the area that he knew his restaurant would have to be something very special, very eligant yet affordable and casual, something that Steilacoom had never seen before.   And he did just that!
Naming his romantically themed, Parisian-atmosphered restaurant after the world-famous French dessert “Crème Brûlée,” Chef Bertrand has become somewhat of a local mini-celebrity.  With people from all over the Puget Sound region stopping in to savor the newest additions to his collection of French wines, palate pleasing plates and delicious European desserts, Chef Bertrand couldn’t be happier.
“Come spend the evening with us and enjoy a night in Paris,” he says.  Through sight, sound, taste and ambiance, La Crème Brûlée French Bistro truly is the next best thing to being there!
- Staff"

I hope those of you that live around the Puget Sound get a chance to stop at La Creme Brulee to dine on their cuisine.  Give your spouses a nudge in their direction for your Date Night.

Watching The Grass Grow

Today is just one of those days that I might as well just sit and look out the window watching the grass grow.  I'm waiting on a phone call from my doctor's office.  I had to have blood work done this morning.  The nurse practitioner told me that they would call me in two to three hours with the results.  Its been three hours now.  Maybe she meant two to three hours after their lunch was over?

Well after being scolded, I figured that would happen, for not properly informing them of my clomid usage I now have a referral to see the fertility specialist.  Last appointment I brought in my current script of my clomid and showed it to my physician's assistant who informed me, as she was typing information into the computer on my chart, that I was okay to take the medicine as long as I knew how to take it.  The instructions on how to take the prescribed medicine were on the container and I still had my information on the item, so I told her I was informed.  My PA is pregnant. She is absent minded too.  She was the one that forgot to fill out and sign one of the pages of my EFMP form a few weeks back.  I rather figured she forgot to put into the system my fertility meds.  I've been good all week keeping my blood pressure around 124/76.
Need I say that my blood pressure was up at the vitals check this am?

So now I sit here and wait.  I need to know if the result is a positive or a negative.  Negative I can start the next round of clomid if I get a bleed.  If I don't then I'll have to make another appointment and ask them again for a script of Provera to get things going.  I asked for the script of Provera today and she brushed me off.  Its not like I'd go pick it up if the test is positive.  My last fertility doctor had put in an order for the script so I'd have it on hand, but that was two years ago.  If its positive then I'll have to go to the next stage and see a different specialist from the one they are referring me to.  Yet another appointment is a sixty-six percent chance with the two factors of needing a medicine or a positive result.

Last night in a fit of frustration, my hair being naturally curly tangles easily, I gave myself a hair cut.  It doesn't look at all bad, which is a surprising factor considering I gave myself layers.  Now I just need to dye it again.  I think I chopped off up to five inches in length on the top layer and maybe two inches on the bottom layer.  It now flows nicely.  Eventually I'll try to straighten it again with my appliance for that chore.  I say chore since my hair is so darn thick it can take me around forty-five minutes to straighten.

My spouse is home early from work today.  First time in a while.  So he mowed the lawn and washed the car.  Now he is seeding and fertilizing the lawn.  The sky is quickly growing dark.  We are going to get rain again for about four or five days straight starting tonight.  I might just be able to watch the grass grow.