Last Weigh-in For August

I'm home now from my two mile walk to the hospital pharmacy.  One mile there and one mile back.  I have some good news to share.

Okay so I didn't make my first goal, it was an obscene amount I had hoped to lose but if the folks on The Biggest Loser could do it I figured I could too.  I had hoped to lose a pound a day for a whole month. 

After the first week of trying I realized that I wouldn't be able to lose 30+ pounds in a month so I changed my goal to 20 pounds in a month.  Well that didn't work out either.

However, I did lose 3 pounds this week bringing my month's total of weight lost to 15.2 pounds, but I started on the 3rd of August not the 1st.  Nothing to sneeze at. 

I'm close to one of my first increment goals of 20 pounds which means I can soon give myself a reward.  I'm excited to be so close to the 20 pound mark.  I wanted to lose 60 pound total, which means three goals and three rewards.  I just have to be patient as its not going to come off as fast as I want.

Nurse M did tell me that the more I lose before the IVF the better my odds were going to be to get pregnant.  So every time I see  candy bar, can of soda, or something that I know is full of non-nutrition calories I think that if I eat that I won't get pregnant.  Its my bit of will power.

Yes, I had a single slice of my husband's birthday cake.  Yes, we went out for dinner last night. 

No I didn't have a big slice of the cake.  No I didn't eat all on my plate or bowl.  I shared it with my husband.  He's the right weight for his height.  He can eat what he wants.

I'll continue to keep trying to shed the weight.  I'm not following a diet plan.  If I want something to eat, I eat.  I exercise within limits of my fibromyalgia.

I do not take diet pills.  I don't take diet supplements, shakes, bars, or any other meal replacement.

Truly it is all about portion control, lowering the sodium, lowering the fat and exercising.

Now I just need to hope that the weight loss continues as my medicines change.  I might have to work a bit harder to get more off but I'm going to try.

The Pain Of Reunion

I was up late last night and messed up my sleep schedule.  Oh, I had a good reason for doing so.  My husband came home last night and I had to go pick him up.

Though he wasn't gone for a full month it seemed like longer.  Now we have to re-adjust again.

I have actually forgotten how loud his snoring can get or the fact that he figures his part of the bed is the middle and he takes the covers with him.  Its okay though I've actually missed all that, well not the snoring part but the rest yes.

One thing I did forget was the pain.  Endometriosis for me means painful sex.  I enjoy the closeness which the sex brings us but I don't like the pain one bit.  Nor the bleeding and cramping after.  Its to the point that my husband is afraid to touch me because he doesn't want to cause me that pain and I need to reassure him that sometimes I'm willing to deal with the pain after if I can make our bond stronger.

There will come a day when hopefully they'll find a non-surgical cure for endometriosis.  Maybe then more of my endo buddies will still be able to have children because they didn't have to surrender their reproductive organs to this disease.

I'm still in pain this morning.  The cramping has yet to subside.  Maybe some yoga later will help with the pain.

I'm thankful that my husband is home safe.  I'm thankful that I have the next couple of months with him to hopefully create our own child through IVF.

Dwarf And Dragon Birthday Cake

Close up view of the cake I made my husband for his birthday, which is today.  Can you see the dwarf?  He's protecting his stash of strawberries from the dragon.

I had such fun making this cake.  Its two layers of vanilla confetti cake with a layer of Oreo cream frosting in-between for filling.

I then made my own vanilla frosting to coat the sides and top of the cake.  The strawberries are from my own garden which makes them organic since I use no pesticides or any other bad crap.

I pulverized graham crackers for the dirt and added unsalted peanuts for stones.  The green grass is of course green frosting and the candles spell out "happy birthday".

I tried to make a moat around the dragon so that the dwarf would have some trouble trying to get to the dragon.  I don't want a killing spree on the cake!

I just hope that J doesn't mind me using some of his Dungeons and Dragon's figurines for his cake.

So tell me what you think?  Its been a few years since I've actually made and decorated a birthday cake...about 5 years to be more precise.

Putting On The Polish

I stepped on the scale this morning and was pleased with my progress.  I won't make the 5 pound goal this week but I'm still headed in the right direction.  So to continue to lose the weight I'm adding extra effort to my house cleaning this weekend. 

Yesterday I moved furniture, vacuumed and mopped the floors.  I spent 2.5 hours on the lawn care and did some light cooking.  Today I'm again moving some furniture around so that I can polish it up.  It needs the furniture polish bad.  My bird's-eye Maple furniture is so parched I've now gone over it twice with the solution.  Next room to go is modern 50's furniture from my grandmother.  Two more rooms after that of furniture, mostly antiques and I'll be done.  I've already changed out the linens in bed and bath and have one load now in the washer.  Oh and its barely 1030 hrs here.  I've been busy.

Still I need to bake that cake.  It will get done.  Tomorrow is an easy day planned for me.  I'm putting off the cleaning of bathroom until tomorrow because I'm doing the furniture today.  With fibromyalgia I still need to pick and choose carefully what I plan to do with the spoons I have in my drawer.  Maybe you'll recall my posting about the spoon theory, maybe not?  But I don't want to wear myself out so that I'm too tired to do squat the next day.

Weekend Cleaning

J is coming home soon which means that I have to finish cleaning his castle.  Today my plans are to vacuum and mop the floors.  I detest dusting because I always break out in welts when I dust.  But its got to get done.

I'm hoping that doing some extra housework this weekend will help with the weight loss.  I'm still losing weight though its getting to be slower.  I actually spoke to J last night, twice, and he remarked that maybe he isn't so healthy for me as I tend to lose weight when he isn't around.  I assuaged his fears by telling him its not him, its me.  I have no will power.  None.  Not one bit.  Okay maybe a tiny smidge if I tell my mind that what he is eating is just plain gross but that is hard to do when I know for a fact it tastes darn good.

Part of my cleaning this weekend will involve laundry.  I won't have time to put it all on the drying racks to save energy.  I'm going to plug in my dryer again and use it.  One load will normally fill three drying racks and I've got sheets to wash this weekend besides my normal clothing.  If only I had a clothes line outside, but then again it rains a lot here so I'm not sure that would be such a good idea.

Some where in this weekend's time line I need to bake a cake.  A birthday cake for my J.  We'll see when that gets done.

I wish I had a self cleaning house.  I wonder when they will invent that? 

Well blogging is just procrastinating and I'm going to need time today to get those floors done.  Sighs...off I go to clean.

Saline Infusion Sonogram Results

Well I've got good news and bad news.  I would normally share any of the news with my spouse first but its not like I can call him and well where he is right now he doesn't even have the internet.  So he'll have to find out after everyone else.

Good news is that the catheter passed through easily with my full bladder.  Nurse M said that this has to be a record with how fast the catheter went into my cervix as she's never seen it done so quickly.  Dr. C. knows what he's doing.  So I'm good for the embryo transfer as far as the tubing goes.

Bad news is that the transvaginal transducer showed that  I still have cysts on my left ovary.  They've shrunk to about 2 cm each but are really close together forming what looks to be about 4 cm across.

More bad news.  They aren't functional cysts.  They are chocolate cysts.  I knew things were going too easily to have it all go my way.

Chocolate cysts form when the endometrial lining of the uterus decides to migrate to the ovaries.  Okay so we suspected that I had endometriosis and now its confirmed.

So now I'm going to have to get them watched and hope that they resolve further with the birth control.  They might cause me to miscarry again if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant.

Here is a bit from the link above for your reading pleasure:

The symptoms of endometriosis include:

1.) Painful menstrual cramps that may get worse over time.

2.) Lower back pains linked to the pelvis.

3.) Recurring miscarriage – Any pregnancy that ends before 2 or 3 months, resulting in severe stomach cramps, vomiting and some bleeding.

4.) Chronic pelvic pain – usually attended by lower back pain and/or pain in the abdomen.

5.) Painful sex.

6.) Painful bowel movements.

7.) Nausea, vomiting, and/or diarrhea – especially during PMS and during the period.

8.) Frequency, and sometimes painful urination.

9.) Infertility.

10.) Frequent menses flow or short menstrual cycle.

11.) Heavy and/or long menstrual periods.

12.) Some women may experience mood swings and fatigue.

13.) If the endometriotic lesions bleed, which usually occurs during menstruation, blood may be found in the urine or stools or in secretions from other organs affected by endometriosis.

14.) In addition, women with endometriosis may have gastrointestinal symptoms that resemble irritable bowel syndrome.

When an endometrial Cyst ruptures, the material floods the pelvic region, spilling onto the surface of the uterus, bowel, and bladder as well as the spaces between these organs. This type of event is a medical emergency.

Here is a great website to find out more on endometriosis if you know someone that has it, me, or think you might have it.

http://endometriosis.org/endometriosis/ 

Well that's all I have for today.  Two blog posts today is plenty.  At least I now know why I bleed so much and so darn often when I think I shouldn't be and why I have extra pain beyond the fibromyalgia.

Nervous

I've got so much to do in the next few days. I'm not prepared.  I like the idea of J coming home early but all the same I'm finding that I'm running out of time.

Today is the saline infusion sonogram, actually in about an hour.  I'm nervous as hell about that.  First I don't like pain, I'm not sure most sane folks do like pain unless pleasure is the promised end.  Ie:  a virgin's first time pain.

I'm scared that they might tell me that I'm not a good candidate for the IVF.  I'm scared that they might tell me that the reason I've been bleeding and spotting when I shouldn't be is because there is something wrong and I'm not meant to have a biological child.

I'm going to this alone today.  If my husband can't be with me I can't think of another person I'd actually want in that room with me.  Seriously its him or no one.

I was planning on walking over to the hospital for the procedure but my foot last night, the one I tore the deltoid ligament in a few years back, was acting up.  Of course today it looks like its going to rain.  Figures my foot would know about the fog and possible rain.  It might still clear up by afternoon but I'm not wanting to be walking in the fog and risk becoming a hood ornament.

Next, my J is coming home soon.  This means I've got to go grocery shopping.  Seriously there is just nothing in the house he would want to eat.  He's a meatatarian.  Pull a cow up to his table and he'd be happy.  I think if you gave him a magic marker he'd mark the cow into the proper cuts of meat and mark which one he wants.

Speaking of cow, I need to get J half & half and milk too. Whey protein allergy for me means that I don't keep it in the house while he is gone.  Why bother?

Oh and I need to make a birthday cake.  I'd order one but I'm not sure if he is going to be here in time for his birthday or a day later.  If I make one of my own I know it will taste good and I can decorate it how I want too without the extra cost.

So with some deep breathing exercises I'm trying to relax.  I've still got to vacuum and mop the floors before he gets home.  I doubt he'd notice but still I'd like it all clean for him.

You've Got To Have Faith

Now its time for me to make some decisions before I create a baby with my husband.  I realize that we've yet to even get my husband home to create said baby but its still nice to think ahead, to plan if you will.

Many of my friends who follow one path raise their children in another and find that it cause conflict at home.  My husband was raised in a different faith than that of mine.  I was raised Roman Catholic.  No longer do I follow that path.

Perhaps it can be blamed on college, being a rebellious teen, or in general just being dissatisfied with the Catholic church's strict views of women.  To them we were the sinners and are to blame for the downfall of men.  Okay, sure.

I chose to become a Unitarian.  I believe in many different religions.  I chose to incorporate them into my own practice.  Some call me a Wiccan others a Pagan but I feel that my religion is more than that.  Its far from being organized.  Its personal and with it being personal I can't really put a label on it except for the label of Unitarian.

So when my husband gets back home we are going to begin a discussion on what faith to raise our child in.  I know his mom would probably prefer the religion that she knows and brought up her two sons in.  My dad would prefer the religion that he brought us up in.  My mom, well she would also lean towards Christianity because she is all about the ceremonies from birth through death, but she would understand my choice as long as she gets to make the christening gown.  I hate to tell her there might not be the "christening" gown but she can call it what she wants and still make one but we get to chose what ceremony its used in.

For my friends out there that are of differing faiths from your spouse and now have children or plan to have children which path did you chose for your offspring?

Weekly Weight Update

Well the good news is that I didn't gain.  I didn't lose a lot either and I'm far from my wishful goal of -5 lbs a week. 

I lost a whopping 2.6 lbs this week.  I know that isn't to be sneezed at and I should cheer myself up.

But, I wanted to lose 5 pounds this week.  I need to lose 5 pounds because I still have a lot to lose.  (insert a whining voice).

So far, in three weeks, I've lost 12.2 lbs.  That would make it an average of 4.06 lbs a week.

Maybe next week I'll get 5 lbs off.  Who knows.  We all have slow weight loss weeks.

Now its off to go exercise.  Yes, I've really started exercising now.  I actually burned just over 500 calories in exercise yesterday.  Not bad at all.

Okay I'm happier now.

What My Gynecologist Didn't Know

Last month when I had my well woman appointment, at my local Army hospital, my husband and I discussed various things of importance to us with my male gynecologist.  I was surprised to learn that my gynecologist didn't know that the uterus elevates and contracts much as would the human male penis.

"The process of orgasm in females is basically similar to that in males.  It is a series of rhythmic muscular contractions of the orgasmic platform.  The contractions generally occur at about 0.8 second intervals; there may be three or four in a mild orgasm or as many as a dozen in a very intense, prolonged orgasm.  The uterus also contracts rhythmically, with the contractions moving in waves from the top of the uterus down toward the cervix.  Other muscles, such as those around the anus, may also contract rhythmically."  Janet Shibley Hyde PhD., Understanding Human Sexuality, 3rd edition p.204

How did he get through med school without learning something I learned in my freshman year of college?  I pulled the diagrams directly from one of my textbooks. 

I'm not a doctor by any means but I've taken a lot of science classes.  This concerns me greatly that my own gynecologist would be so ignorant. 

I'm also wondering if many of the male gynecologists decide that a woman should have a total hysterectomy without giving consideration to the role the uterus, cervix and ovaries play in a woman's sexual response.  I come from a family of women that have had to have hysterectomies or so they were told.  Now that I think back I wonder if some of their female reproductive parts were just yanked out to save time.  My mom didn't have cancer, she did have fibroids in her uterus.  She was told after they took her uterus that in a few years they'd have to take her ovaries because of a possible risk.  She didn't care she said since she was done with child bearing.

Well whether or not a female is done with child bearing is no good reason to take out the reproductive organs.  Would a male who is done with child bearing opt to have his reproductive parts removed?  Would a doctor even recommend the removal of the male reproductive parts if he had say a cyst on one of his testes?

I plan on keeping all my reproductive parts as long as they don't become cancer ridden or need to be removed to save my life.

I wonder, how many of you have had to have your reproductive organs removed and how has it changed your sexual response?

Dental Work Continues

This morning I went to my dentist off post to get fitted for my night guard.  Would you believe it didn't fit.

It was more than just getting it trimmed down.  No matter what the dentist tried the thing wouldn't fit.  It was warped.

So my dentist decided to work on the high spots on my teeth where it hurts when I bite and chew.  I had many fillings put in over the last few months and she explained that when dental work is done the bite changes.  Hopefully chewing on the right side won't be so painful now.

New impressions were made of the upper and lower teeth and the tech promised the dentist she'd make the molds directly so as to prevent the impressions from being damaged.  I have no clue as to who's fault it was that the night guard was so warped.  It could have been the fact that the first impressions weren't done right, the first molds weren't done right or quite possibly the place they sent them off to didn't do the acrylic night guard in the proper environment and it warped while cooling.

I just hope that in two weeks when I have to go in yet again that it fits properly this time.  I don't think my teeth changed that much in two weeks from the last set of impressions.

I need to get this out of the way before I delve deeper into the IVF.

Oh and though my husband still hasn't  called me he was able to send me an email at 0300hrs.  I'm guessing his shift doesn't correspond to mine and he is afraid to wake me.  Thoughtful of him but I'd still love to hear his voice and it doesn't matter what time of day or night he calls as long as I hear his voice.  A middle of the night call from anyone else, of course, is always unwanted, especially the butt dialing and crank callers.

Another Night Of Restless Sleep

I think the hormones are getting to me.  I know that each cycle, at a certain point, I get nightmares.  Well, it shouldn't be happening now.  Two nights in a row of nightmares.

I woke up at one point in the early hours gripping my right bicep so hard I think I was trying to strangle it with my left hand.  I have a slight bruise on my right arm today. 

I really thought I had the PTSD under control.  I thought wrong.  Funny how hormones can bring about that which we thought we had burnt, sealed the ashes in an air tight can and dropped with an anchor to the deepest trench in the ocean. 

J can't call me right now.  Its been 11 days since I last spoke with him.  I've played his messages, from the last year, just to hear his voice.  Pitiful I know. 

Maybe in a few days he'll be able to call home again.  I cherish those 5 minute phone calls.

IVF Preparation, The Worries Begin

As most of my readers know I'm preparing for my first round of IVF.  No one said creating a baby was going to be easy when you are my age, 42.  We've been trying around his military schedule for the past 4.5 years with no luck.  We tried clomiphene citrate and sure I produced up to 6 follicles a month on the lowest dosage but still no luck.  Now its time for IVF.  Yup time to fork out the big bucks with no real idea if its going to work or not.

My first stage of IVF is the Saline Infusion Sonogram while I'm on the Levlen.  So far I'm not too pleased with the Levlen, it has extended my normal bleed time by four days.  Its been years since I've been on any form of birth control and I really can't remember it actually doing that to me but who knows, hormone levels in the body do change.  I'm also not liking the weight gain side effect.  For three days now I've been struggling to keep my weight off and its been staying the same for most of it, today I finally dropped 0.2 lbs.  Mind you I've been exercising and eating healthy because I want to get some of this tonnage off before I get pregnant.

Now back to the SIS, saline infusion sonogram, I'm not really looking forward to this test.  Oh sure it would mean I'm just that much closer to getting pregnant but really folks having my female reproductive parts probed isn't comfortable.  I have what is called a retroverted uterus.  This means that I have to go to this test with a full bladder.  Yes, a full bladder and lie on my back with my feet in the stirrups to have tubes stuck up in me.  I say tubes because as soon as this particular test is completed they are going to do the mock embryo transfer.

Right now I'm so wishing it were November and I have in my hand a stick with a positive result.  I'm not the first female to be wishing the hardest part, trying to conceive for an infertile female is the hardest part, were over.  Well maybe to some its not the hardest part but if you can't conceive then it is.  Once pregnant the new worries will kick in like; will I lose it since I'm so darn old and my risk of miscarriage is high, or will the baby be so deformed it won't live long enough to draw its first breath, or well you get the point the list goes on.  For now my main concern is getting pregnant.

Years ago, 15 to be exact, I was pregnant.  My former spouse was infertile with a low sperm count, low motility, and sperm deformity issues.  I got pregnant using clomiphene citrate but soon miscarried the twins.  We tried again and it just didn't work.  Now that egg quality is an issue I might have plenty of eggs but maybe none of them are good enough.  Its not like I can afford a donor.  An egg donor is no guarantee that the egg will hold up long enough to fertilized and survive in my uterus to full term.  I being the only biological child of my parents have no younger female sibling to beg an egg from.  Even if I did there is no guarantee she'd give me one either.

So this is how it stands for today.  I wait, I exercise, I eat healthy and keep hope that in a years time I will finally hold my baby in my arms and complain about a whole new set of issues like: breast feeding, teething, crying, and sleeping through the night.  I wouldn't mind complaining about those things, but, I just want to get that chance to complain.

Sore Feet Happy Heart

Yup, another shopping blog post. 

Okay more like a lot of window shopping, drooling over the sights and smells with a lot of walking.

I walked so much my feet are red and sore.

I walked so much that I'd better not weigh the same as I did this morning with three days at the same weight.  No, I'd better have lost a bit more.

I did make one purchase at an antique store.  I bought something for my husband.  A little something that I think might make him laugh and increase his vocabulary.

That's all I have to say.  Time to move the lawn sprinkler then put my feet up for the night.

Money Makes Madness

Ever notice that money issues make people cranky?

I've known of more than one couple, J and I included in the distant past, who have had arguments over the bills.  I've known of couples that had such money troubles as to be the cause of their divorce.

Truly money is the root of all evil.  If we didn't have money though I'm sure we'd have something else used for exchange of goods and services.

More and more our government is asking for us to give up our income, savings, 401k, and other retirement programs because it cannot balance its own budget.  It wants what we have worked so hard to get.  So now our own country is going to bed hungry when it can find a bed to sleep in.

Last night I was watching the world news from two different channels.  Two times I saw a story about the poverty of America's children.  Okay we've known for quite a while that our children are suffering.   They are going without food and clothing and often without shelter too.

So why aren't we doing something about it?  Why do I see more ads for UNICEF, or Christian Children's Fund and so on where the money doesn't stay within our country but goes to other countries?

What happened to charity starts at home?

If we know we have a problem feeding, clothing, housing and getting medical for our own youth then why the heck are we farming out our tax dollars and spare change to feed other nations?

If we don't take care of our own American children we won't have a future.  A child that goes without proper nutrition won't grow in bone or brain.  We are in fact killing our progeny.

My thoughts now go to my readers.  If you were to see a child that was dirty, cold, tired, hungry, and in general going without would you stop to help out?  Or would you instead just give your money to a foreign country?

Yes, I'm angry.  I'm tired of the greedy government giving out our tax dollars to programs that don't have squat to do with our own country.

We need to rebuild America.  We need progress in the right direction.  We should get back to the basics and realize what we need and what we want then balance the needs against the wants. 

We need to take care of our own first.  No one should go to bed hungry unless they are trying to do so to lose weight.

Sorry about the rant.

I'm Losing It

Today I weighed myself to see what I've lost in one week's time.  I decided on Wednesday mornings for my own official weigh in as I started my better eating habits two weeks ago on a Wednesday.

I'm doing good so far.  I didn't lose the 5 pounds I was hoping for but 5 pounds is a lot to lose in a week.  I did, however, lose 4.6 pounds this week.  4.6 pounds is 2.086 kilograms. 

That means that in just two weeks I've lost a total of 9.6 pounds or 4.35 kg.  Not bad at all I say.  Go Me!

Today for exercise I walked to the Madigan Medical Mall Laboratory and back again.  Its roughly a mile there and a mile back.  I could have used my bicycle but that would have meant I would have had to of added air to my bike tires.  I'm lazy today.  So I walked.  Parking at the hospital is well, interesting at best.  Often my spouse would drop me off and circle about to find a space to park.  I'll just walk it as long as the weather is fair.

The reason for the walk was the lab work blood draw.  6 vials with 9 tests in preparation for the IVF.  Oh, I still have more blood work to go through and more testing but for now I do what I can according to the calendar they sent me.

I've paid the deposit, as of this morning, for my IVF.  The full amount is due in October.  I'm still working on my parents to see if they want to contribute to their possible grandchild.  I think if a child were a definite outcome they'd be more likely to help out with the costs.  But since there is no guarantee they basically are telling me I'm on my own kid.

I did try to explain to my mom that if I can get them to help out with this IVF if it doesn't work then I'll still have enough for a possible next round which wouldn't be until next summer.  My mom had no problem getting pregnant, she was only 25 when she had me.  Some folks have it easy some, like me, don't.

Until I'm told otherwise I'm going to work hard at losing weight.  The first week was easy the second week wasn't so easy to lose the weight.  I actually had to do some exercising and cutting back on the food intake to lose what I did.  I need to get it off before I get pregnant as I'm considered obese and I'd rather have one less complication in this pregnancy.  Well hopefully there will be a pregnancy.

Shopping With My Bestie

Its a short blog posting for me.  I'm going to do some therapeutic shopping today with my bestie, S.  I just need to get out of the house.  Its been a few days since I've done just that.

I'm not sure if I'll find anything I want to purchase but the sunshine and exercise can't hurt.  It might even help my diet along a bit more as I'm just a bit under the goal of weight loss for the week. 

I doubt I can lose the rest of what I need this week in one day but its worth a try.  Yesterday I went for a 45 minute walk, I'm sure to be walking for longer than that today with S.

Where did the week go?  Can I get an extra day in there somewhere before tomorrow hits?

Off to break my fast then head out for a day of shopping.

Crafting My LIfe Away

Photo by me of my latest creation.  The other day my bestie, S, and I went to Shipwreck Beads where I purchased the components for J and a few beads for myself.

See I get lonely and listless which then if left unchecked will lead to depression.  I'm not a drinker, an impulse shopper, or an impulse eater so I fidget when J is away.  Maybe the fidgeting is helping me to lose weight as it is still coming off.

So with my spare time when I'm not cleaning or watering the lawn and garden I create.  Sometimes its food creations which I would share with my neighbors.  Most of my neighbors who were good friends are now gone.  Now I have to turn my creativity to other pursuits.  Back to beading, sewing, embroidery, knitting, crocheting, needlepoint and so on.  There isn't much I can't do and if I don't know how I'll learn.

Better view of the necklace, well I think.  The large drop stone is an Afghanistan Stone, with the blue sea quartz above it and Thai silver daisy beads in between the two large stones.  The main necklaces is composed of silver tubes, silver open work beads and taupe freshwater pearls.

I rather like this creation.  The large Afghanistan stone caught my eye and I just have to have it.  The stone has nice layers where over time it was compressed from the various sediment.  Life has layers, some good some bad and it rather suits me and the Army life.  I chose the Afghanistan stone because it was the only stone they had representing the Middle East that would meet my needs. Sure a ruby, emerald or even lapis lazuli could have worked too but this was the stone I chose.
 
The sea blue quartz is for the water that always has separated us each time he has gone.

The 12 taupe pearls represent the 12 moons he is normally gone.  12 months of tears.  12 months of trials.  Pearls are worn to shun evil influences.  They are also a symbol of purity and my love for him is pure.

Charity Blanket

Last week I finally finished up the blanket I'd been working on for over a year.  I'm going to find a charity now to donate it to. 

I was thinking of a charity here at my military installation since I did use my husband's money to make the blanket and he is a soldier.

I started this blanket in April of 2010 when J was still in  Iraq.  Each square is hand woven by me.  Each square has a hand crocheted edge too.  Oh and there are 144 squares which makes this blanket a queen size. 

The blanket drapes over my queen size bed so that it will easily tuck in or could be used as just a bed cover if desired. 

Now I'm just hoping that there is a charity that will want the blanket.  I'm not sure about the market these days and if they could possibly raffle it off to make more money for their charity or if I should just find a buyer and donate the money to the charity of my choice.

The reason it took me over a year to make is that I have carpal tunnel and tendonitis in both of my hands.  Okay that and the fact that with J's homecoming I took a break from creating for a few months, more like 6 months but who's counting?

If anyone has any ideas on how I should go about donating this blanket or selling it and donating the full purchase price let me know.  Easily I've spent $75 in yarn alone not including my own time which, when I had my own business I used to charge for my labor when creating an item as my time is not free.  Hopefully I can get about $100-200 for a sale price to donate or maybe they can raise that much from this blanket.

These are the two charities I had in mind:
http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/
http://fortlewisfisherhouse.org/

Which one do you think would be the best for this item?  I'd like to be able to donate to my own installation.

Lonely Moments In Time

Its one of those times again when I'm really missing my husband.  I wish I could just hug him today but its not to be.  My hormones are running wild and I'm teary eyed today.

I'm not going to say it something only a military wife would understand because its not.  Any spouse who has had to kiss their beloved good bye not knowing for sure if they'll see them again, accidents do happen, would understand.

Anyone who has had to sleep for countless nights in the bed they'd normally shared with their loved one  would understand this loneliness.

Anyone who has had to eat the evening meals alone, no kids, no pets, no spouse would understand.

I detest how the loneliness can lead to depressing thoughts.  So today I'm going to fight them off.  Today I'm going to spend some time with my bestie, S, again.  She knows how much my husband means to me.

If I were to stay home alone today I'd start to think all sorts of negative thoughts.  I'd dredge up old arguments in my mind and how I could have better handled them.  How I should have been a nicer person.  Or even thoughts of where I might not be good enough for my spouse.  Maybe I'm not thin enough, not pretty enough, not young enough.  Its a road of thoughts I don't want to travel down.  Its road that leads to a big black hole of depression.  I've been in that hole and its slippery sided one that is difficult to climb out of even if someone throws you a life line and often there isn't even that for help.  No I'm not going there today.

Today I'm going to think about what I can do for my J today.  Even though he's not here I can go run an errand for him while I'm out.  He had a project he was almost finished with but we ran out of time to get him the last of the supplies he needed.  As luck would have it I'll be going to the very store we were going to go to before he left.  Now its my time to show him that I remembered his needs and thought about him.

Thank you J for being there when you can and thinking of me often.

Thank you S for including me in your travels and getting me out of the house.

I love you both.

Fried Or Baked....

Either way it hurts.  Yesterday I had a day of fun in the sun, a little too much sun, with my bestie S and her kids.  I was wearing a tank top, shorts, jewelry and sunglasses but no sun block.  It was there and within reach but did I put the sun block on?  Nooooo.  Now I'm paying for it.

You can see the outline of my necklace in this photo of my front.  You should see my legs!  OUCH!  Oh wait I took a photo of that too.  My arms are also burnt.

Downward view of my legs, not very flattering but you can see the burn.  I was wearing flip flops and you can tell by the white lines.

Yeah I wasn't too bright yesterday but now I glow pink.  I took a cool bath with five black tea bags then smoothed on some A& D ointment.  I put more of the ointment on today too. 

I still have to go outside later today and water the lawn.  No sunscreen in the house.  Guess I should put it on my grocery list.  At least S remembered to bring some yesterday to the water park.

Maybe I should get a few more callouses as those were the only things that didn't burn on my legs!  I'm going to have one weird looking tan when J gets back.  I'm sure he'll look at me a bit odd for being such a dummkopf.   I made sure he packed sun block but I totally forgot to buy myself a tube.  Grrrr....

My face isn't too bad, just my lips and nose got burnt.  I was wearing my face cream that had a 30 spf and my lip balm that had a 15 spf.  I guess three hours in the sun was a bit much for even those. 

Will I ever learn?  Maybe.  But we don't get much sun here in WA so sunscreen isn't something I think of daily except for what is in my face cream.

Mammogram

This morning I have a mammogram appointment.  Yup its that time of year again to get my boobs squished.

Because I have such large breasts the testing takes even longer and the longer it is the more painful it is.  I've had the tech be annoyed at me, this was NY, and say that they are too large so she has to take more views. 

So not only do they get squished singly, they get squished together in the middle of my breast bone so that they can get better shots.

You'd think that the tech would at least offer me a cookie for being a good sport,  especially after playing with my milk bags.

Thinking back to NY, I had one doctor refuse to allow me to have a nurse in the room.  This wasn't an Army doctor, they know better.  This guy had me strip to the waist and put on a paper gown top while he was out of the room.  When he came into the room he ripped the paper top down the front and proceeded to exam my breasts.  I told my husband all about it after.  I refused to see that doctor ever again.  Just think, he was recommended by someone too, makes me wonder what my friends were thinking when they suggested this doctor.

So yes, its off I go to the hospital today for my yearly mammogram.  I'm a bit anxious too.  The only consoling thought is knowing that later today I get cake.  My bestie, S, is having a party for her son.  I love her kids, her and cake.  Maybe I'll get to pet her dogs too.

Good news, my Pap Results came back.  "Normal Pap Test, Absent Endocervical Component".  I've no clue as to why they couldn't get the endocervical component, I was ovulating not pregnant.  With a retroverted uterus the well woman visit wasn't comfortable and I wonder if that lead to the absence of the endocervical component.  That or they just weren't good at the scraping.

Diet Of The Mind

Today is the day that I'd normally be making cookies for the soldiers at the COF but since most are gone, like my J, I won't be making them for a while to come.  Still I could make them for me, but why bother?  They would just be a big temptation sitting in my cookie jar.

I've been taking care of me this past week, the first week that J's been gone.  I've shucked off the stress, or most of it at least, and I've gone back to eating three meals a day.  Okay so today I've yet to get the chance to eat breakfast but I will in a few as soon as I've finished my blog.  But I did at least have a large glass of orange juice to break the fast so far.

This week I've not been dieting.  Seriously, I've been eating everything I want.  Funny how I've now lost exactly 5 pounds in the time that J has been gone.  Why is it that every time he leaves I lose weight?  Before I met him I was a size 8 which isn't bad for a gal of my height.  Right now I'm a size 16.  Yeah I gained that much living with the man I love.  Love is fattening I guess.

This week I've eaten 1 pound of pasta, a 9x9 inch pan of Cinnabon cake, 4 Hershey's bars, 4 bags of veggies in sauce, 1/2 can of unsalted peanuts, 6 ounces of pepper jack cheese, 1/2 gallon of orange juice, 3 cans of Canada Dry Ginger Ale, 1 1/2 packets of Ritz crackers, 1 jar of fat free Kraft Mayo (for the pasta), 1/2 lb. pound of Healthy Ones Honey Ham, 1/2 lb of swiss cheese, pizza, and endless glasses of water.  So how did I lose all the weight?

I have no clue.  It certainly wasn't exercise.  I haven't exercised yet.  I've puttered about the house doing the normal house work but with the addition of watering the lawn almost daily nothing has changed in my routine.   The only thing different is that J isn't here.

Could it have been his stress with his doom and gloom mood that was causing me to gain weight?  I had put on almost 10 pounds in the week before he left here.  Its not unheard of, I've done that before.  So yes its possible I guess.  But I'd hate to blame him for the weight gain.  Funny but he lost weight the week before he left.  I know about water in osmosis but can fat do it too?  Can sleeping in the same bed with your spouse make you gain the weight they are losing?  If so I want twin beds!

Okay well if any of you can figure out why I've lost 5 pounds without trying let me know.  Hopefully I can keep this up as I'd like to lose 60 pounds.  15 more pounds off and I'll give myself a treat.  I figure every 20 pounds lost deserves some sort of treat like; shoes, purse, earrings, clothes, or a book.

I'm thinking that most of this dieting is in my head.  Now that I'm more relaxed my cortisol levels are going back to normal.  That means weight loss.  Stress is always fattening.  The hard part is getting rid of the stress I have in my mind.  I just need to keep my mind on other things and not what is coming around the corner that I have no control over.  Just let it go I tell myself.

Thoughts That Plague The Unconsious Mind

This morning I awoke not once but twice from nightmares.  I'm not sure of one particular thing that might have triggered the nightmares but its a good thing that J wasn't in bed with me.  I was thrashing about the bed and yelling.  Well I was yelling in the dream, maybe not in reality, however, I did wake up with the covers askew and me on the wrong side of the bed.

I've been under quite a bit of stress of late.  I think I need me time.  I've got plenty of it right now but somehow I always feel like I need to be doing something constructive.

Yesterday I finished the blanket I've been working on since early 2010, just before J came home from Iraq.  For a while I had put it away but of late I've been working like elf to get it finished.  I have many other projects that need to be finished too but never enough time.  I was going to send the blanket to my mom so that she could raffle it off for charity down there for the vets but now I think that I'll save the postage and find a buyer here for it so that I donate the money to charity up here.  Maybe a charity exclusive to my installation so that I know the funds will go to help another soldier.

I called my mom last night to tell her about the IVF for this October.  I jokingly said "want to pay half?".  Her reply was, "Half a grandkid? I'll talk to your father about it later tonight".  Oh my word, really?  I was only kidding but seriously if she wants to help out on this IVF I'd love it.  Heck even a few hundred would help out.  My parents have no grandchildren.  Its not likely they'll ever get any from my brother either.  He prefers the life he lives without all the complications.

I'm worried that this IVF might not work.  That if my parents do help out they'll hate me for using their money with no return.  That might sound harsh but I know my parents pretty well.  One of my nightmares last night was about this very thing, that I'd disappoint them yet again.  No, they aren't like other parents when they are disappointed in me they punish me, even through distance they find their ways.  I really hope, that if I'm lucky enough to have a baby, that I'm not going to be like that to my kid.

Waiting For Some Good News

I've already had some bad news this morning so now I'm waiting for some good news.  I'd blog about the bad news when I'm allowed to talk about it.

Oh  good one of my doctor's just called me back.  Still I'm waiting but I have some good news to share now.  I've made it to the October IVF list.  YAY!

Now I just have to get put on birth control, take a five hour class and have a saline sonogram.  Oh joy!

I just had to ask the doctor why I'd be put on birth control if we are trying to get me pregnant.  She explained the best she could then said I'll find out more in the five hour class.  Since I get a lot of cysts the birth control will help quiet down my ovaries until they start injecting me with the hormones.

Yes this is going to be quite a long process of me getting poked, prodded, and needle stuck.  But that's just fine and dandy with me as long as the end result is a healthy baby.

My husband is already worried about me and can't believe the extremes I'd go through just to produce a child.  I guess he'll never understand since he gets the easy part.  Well the easy part isn't so easy because he won't get to share in the joy of the hormone changes and feeling the baby move.  Now I'm jumping ahead too far.

It might not work at all.  I might not be able to carry a child.  Age does affect everything.  Even if I do get pregnant it might not stay around to full term.

I'm high risk and I'm trying to do the impossible or so it seems at my age. 

I've got two more months to lose some weight and I'm trying hard.  Obesity is just one of the risk factors I have.  In the past 5 days since J left I've managed to lose 3 pounds.  Nothing to sneeze at I think.  I've got about 60 more to go.

We'll see where this journey takes me now.

My New Favorite Snack Food

I have a new favorite snack food.  I've had it only once and would love to have it again.  I'm being good while J is away and trying to lose weight but these puff corn curls are just gnawing at my mind.  I think of them when I have the urge to snack.

What's so great about?  Well let me tell you.
I'll start with the nutrition information:

110 mg of sodium per serving and only 2.5 servings in the bag.  Since I'm limited to 1000 mg of sodium per day I could in theory, and actually have, scarffed down the whole bag in one day.

160 calories per serving, just another bonus in my book.

2 grams of protein per serving.
Warning though, if you are allergic to shell fish stay away from them as the protein in these is from shell fish.  

But the down side is the fat content.  Yes its a bit fatty with 8 grams of fat per serving.  But have you ever noticed that the stuff that tastes the best always has a higher fat content?

I was able to get my one bag of these delicious cheese corn puffs at World Market before J left.  I so wanted their cheese flavored Kettle "Crack" ( I meant corn but it gives you the munchies so we call it crack and no I've never had crack but its just a guess on my part that it would give you the munchies) but I had to make a substitution for an unknown to me product and I wasn't disappointed.  Another customer had pointed them out to me and said she loved them. 


World Market probably won't carry these for long as the cheese kettle corn was only for a limited time too.  I don't go to World Market often so next time I go most likely these cheese puff will be gone too.  They aren't even on the website under snack foods so yeah they probably were a one time buy.

Sighs...Anyone in Japan want to send me some snacks?  Just kidding, nope I'm not.  I'm hooked after one bag.

Envy

Photo of my eyes, they are a dark greyed green with bits of brown.

It always seems as though there is something we each want in our lives that someone else has.  I of course want children.  Others want more freedom, time to themselves, a green lawn, more money, more friends, etc...

Today I was again reminded how my life, though filled with medical issues and the inevitable deployments, is still envied by others.

I live a simple life.  I like to keep close to home most of the time, though I'd love to go on trips but with my medical issues (fibromyalgia, asthma, meniere's disease and the list goes on) its just not that easy to jump in the car and go where ever, whenever.

I like to spend time with my friends.  I like to spend time reading a book curled up in a chair.  I like knowing that some mornings I can sleep in or stay up late without worrying about taking care of anyone but me.  But I'd be willing to change all that if I could have a child.

While I was out today I got a call from my infertility specialist.  I saw them just last week Friday.  I was told that they would only call if something was wrong with my test results.  But I'm still hoping that when I call them back on Monday it will still be good news, news that maybe I'm accepted for the October IVF mini cycle.

I'm an optimist.  I always have hope, yes even when I've been given bad news.

I have yet to share on my blog what the OB/GYN said to J and I during my well woman exam.  It was painful.  The exam is always painful.  Even though Dr.K. noticed right off that I was ovulating; I bled from the pap test.  He had a lot of difficulty with the speculum too.  Its never easy to get it positioned right for some reason.  The reason I now know the answer for;  I have what is known as a retroverted uterus.  And that isn't the only problem.

From the questions Dr. K. asked and I answered plus from what he saw and what other GYNs have said it looks like I have endometriosis too.  Well its not the first time an OB/GYN has told me that and it would explain the heavy bleeding, painful sex, and almost chronic pelvic pain I have even when I don't have the ovarian cysts.  Meh, I've lived with it this long.  I'll know more though when they cut me open, whenever that will be.

So I envy those women who are able to live "normal" lives.  I envy people that seem to have life "easy" as it were but, I can almost guarantee that no one person on this planet will think that they are normal or their life is easy.  I guess we all envy each other for something.

Resting And Relaxing

I'm tired.  More than a week of being sleep deprived has ruined my already fragile immune system.  Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome mean that I get sick easily and it takes quite a while to get better.  However, now that I'm alone I doing way more than I should.  No I can't call a respite care worker.

Why no to the respite care worker?  Well they've re-vamped the program and I no longer qualify for care.  Okay such is life.  I detest someone using me just to get a paycheck anyway.

I'm still cranky.  It took forever to fall asleep last night.  I still have dark circles under my eyes and my under eye cream is working overtime to try to lighten them.  Its failing of course.

My throat is sore, my nose is stuff, my head is stuffed and achey to the point that I had a migraine last night.  My chest is congested and I've been coughing.  Yes, I've wrecked my immune system all because I got stressed out.  Give me a week or two and I'll feel better.  Good thing I've got groceries and stamps on hand.  Stamps so that I can write to my husband.  Groceries are more obvious.  Still I should get in the car and drive it a bit so that the tires don't go flat.  Maybe in a day or two.  For now it can sit there.

I spent four hours on the lawn last night.  We, our neighborhood, finally got notice that the construction is almost complete and we can start watering our lawns once again.  The sod that was put down is now curling up and dried out.  My front lawn is brown.  So today I'll be back at it.  After it gets mowed on the green spots on Friday I'll be back out there with fertilizer and seed.  Not much use for the moss out right now as the rain has stopped for almost a week.

I did dream a bit last night.  I remember two dreams involving a fluffy grey kitten.  I guess I really want a kitten bad.  But because we are still trying to conceive a cat is just not in the picture.  No one to change the litter box.

Well I need to get back to the salt mine.  I'm still working on that blanket for charity.  All the handwoven yarn squares are now sewn together.  I'm down to the crocheted edge on the queen sized blanket.  Not much longer now.  I'll rest more when I'm dead.  Just kidding.

Going It Alone

0310 hrs saw me waking my husband up.  It was time.  I had yet to go to sleep.  The frustration, anxiety and last night's pizza, I'm allergic to tomatoes, kept me awake.  Of late I'm not sleeping well.

0415 hrs J and I drop off his duffle bags at the designated drop site.

0500 hrs J and I part ways so that he can go to his formation.  Soon after we travel to the next destination which was back to the bag drop off point.

0530 hrs Its another formation.

0630 hrs Its another formation

0730 hrs Its another formation

0800 hrs I say my good byes to him.

I probably could have stayed around until they got on the buses this morning which would have only been another 30 minutes to wait but I was already behind on taking my morning medicine by three hours.  With the stress right now I'm not sure my blood pressure could wait a few more minutes.  Well that and the traffic with PT letting out made getting off the corner a 15 minute process.  Several roads close on post each morning for PT and re-open shortly after PT is over.

One other reason I wanted to get home was to try to find what J was looking for and couldn't find.  I figured I would have time to find it and get it back to him before he loaded up on the bus.  I get home at almost 0820 hrs and fruitlessly look about where he would normally keep his gaming cds.  No luck.  So I'm not even going to try to head back empty handed at this point.

Finally sleep is calling to me at 0900 hrs.  Its a fitful sleep.  I miss him so much already.  I wake up no less than four times before finally dragging myself out of bed at 1300 hrs.  Tonight I expect the same, not much sleep.

So this is some of what I've been unable to discuss.  There is more, there is always more. 

Again I write this blog for me so that I don't forget how I felt, what I did, and what I experienced.  I have fibromyalgia and often I forget things.  For now I can share certain things in my life but there may come a day when I cannot and will go private with my blog.

Dental Health

My dental visit last week went well.  I was told that I have only one more tooth that they want to watch.  Its not a cavity but it is the last of the old silver fillings in my mouth.  My gums are good too.  Almost perfect check up this time with the exception of the the old filling they are watching.

In June I was diagnosed with Bruxism.  This is most likely the cause of my fillings not lasting as long as they should.  Well that and the fact that I have GERD and a stressful life.

So while I was at my appointment last week I was fitted for my night guards.  I've had various night guards in the past.  I've had the cheap rubber ones.  I've had the expensive acrylic and metal night guards that I paid out of pocket over $400.00 for 10 years ago.  The expensive one never fit properly and I ended up chucking them, all because when I'd put the guard in place at night it couldn't easily be removed without crying, screaming and having a fit in the morning.  It was painful to try to remove that particular guard.

My new night guard will be ready later this month.  I have hope.  Yes, it was still expensive but I have good dental insurance.  I had to only pay half for the night guard this time.  My dental staff assured me that they would give me a good fit and not let me leave there until it did fit properly.  I had told them about the problem I had with my old one.

Now what I don't understand is why I have dental insurance and a good portion of my friends do not.  Their spouses are in the military.  The insurance for just one person is only about $12 a month.  Family plan is a bit more.  But really why not get the insurance?  It covers twice yearly cleanings, xrays and the fluoride treatments at the cleanings.  It covers 50% of the cost of the night guard and reduced rates depending on the rank of the active duty member for all other services. 

Take a look:

A key part of making wise dental health decisions is understanding how the TRICARE Dental Program (TDP) works and knowing how to make it work for you and your family. One of the best ways to manage your dental health care while keeping your out-of-pocket costs down is to plan ahead for preventive and restorative care. Here are some tips for planning your dental care. Know What's Covered The TDP offers all enrollees coverage for a wide array of dental services, including, but not limited to: Diagnostic and preventive services (exams, cleanings, fluoride treatments, sealants and X-rays) Restorative services (fillings) Endodontics (root canals) Periodontics (gum and bone dental services) Oral surgery (extractions, biopsies and other surgeries) Prosthodontics (crowns, bridges and dentures) Orthodontics (braces) The TDP does not cover every dental treatment. For some services, e.g., cosmetic procedures, you pay the whole cost of the treatment. Refer to your TRICARE Dental Program Benefit Booklet for a complete list of covered services. Know Your Cost-Shares Your out-of-pocket costs vary depending on the service and your sponsor's pay grade. Cost-shares range from zero percent to 50 percent. For example, there is no cost-share for most diagnostic and preventive services, but for more complex services (e.g., implants), there is a 50-percent cost-share. The following enrollees have a 30-percent cost-share for endodontic, periodontal and oral surgery services performed stateside: National Guard and Reserve sponsors in pay grades E-1 to E-4 Family members whose sponsor is in pay grades E-1 to E-4 All other stateside enrollees have a 40-percent cost-share for these services. http://www.tricaredentalprogram.com/tdptws/home.jsp So why aren't more of my friends covered when it costs so little?  Don't they realize how important it is to have good dental health?  If you don't take care of your teeth you are at risk for a higher incident of heart attack, brain infections, and other systemic infections.

Lack Of Sleep Continues

I've been trying for nights now to get to sleep, stay asleep, and awake refreshed.  For the past five days I've been living off of an average of 3 hours of sleep a night.  I doubt that I have to mention that I'm short tempered because of it.

Saturday night, all was quiet in the neighborhood which is unusual for a pay day weekend.  Usually there are parties in a few houses on the street.

But...okay there was one disturbance.  I was still awake as I mentioned in Up All Night until 0221 hrs when I figured I was suitably tired enough to actually sleep.  My life has been a bit of a mess of late and a lot is on my mind of which I'd love to discuss with my friends but only a few are privy to what the mess is about at this point in time.

My neighbors across the street that moved in just two months ago, had gotten loud and were probably drinking.  Its now 0300hrs and I'd like to sleep.  I ask my spouse to get dressed and speak with them nicely about lowering their voices since they were outside.  Why they all of a sudden decided to move their party to the out of doors is beyond me.  For several hours they were very understanding of the rules here on post to keep it to a low volume.  J speaks with them, they apologize.

0400 hrs, they have successfully moved the party inside, or so I thought and their one visitor has gone home. 

insert a SCREAM here.  A loud female scream.  I get dressed.  I grab my heavy flashlight and walk across the street.  As I approach their breezeway the husband comes out and says he is leaving.  The wife follows and starts to get abusive verbally to her husband.  I said that I came over to find out if everyone is okay as I heard a female scream.  She tells me he is leaving and not coming back.  Okay sure I think, great.

I go back across the street to my own house.  Our homes are single family dwelling.  The soldiers are under a lot of stress right now for reasons I'm not able to mention.  Heck even J and I have had arguments on how we are going to handle our situation at hand.  Not screaming matches.  Not fist fights but arguments nonetheless.

J watches out our front door window at what is going on across the street.  We are being on alert in case we need to call 911 if they are getting out of hand.  Seriously, I don't like domestic violence.  However, I think that raised voices do not constitute domestic violence but, the state of Washington does and that makes it even worse for the families here on post.  I just wanted to make sure that no slaps, punches, or killings were going to be going on if I could help prevent it.  I told J that if I heard her scream again I would go over again to ask if they needed to be separated for a bit to think more clearly.  Sometimes you need someone to talk to, especially a stranger that will understand the lifestyle of the military.

No, I'm not a busy body.  But I do think that with what is going on right now that a lot of the families are under a great amount of stress.  I'd rather not have a homicide on my street.  I'd rather not see a soldier's career ruined because he or she didn't find a better outlet for their stress.

There is nothing at all wrong with asking another person if they want to go for a walk IF it just helps defuse the situation though with some folks it will just make them more angry.  I know I often go for a walk when I can't rationally deal with something or someone at that immediate moment.

So last night, after several days of messed up sleep, my sleep cycle has changed leaving me with the inability to get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning.  I'm now up until 2, 3 or 4 am before I even attempt to go to bed.  Its got to change soon.  I'm too cranky piloting my schedule on only 3 hours of sleep.  However I might get that chance to change my sleep schedule next week.  We'll see.

Oh and hopefully Equity will show up soon today to fix the spray hose on the kitchen sink and the fence gate.  Maybe I can get them to figure out why the bathroom sink is making dripping noises in the pipe, not the faucet.  My spouse, when he called in the repairs, forgot to mention the bathroom sink.  So we'll wait and see.