Fright Fest

Samhain aka Halloween is usually one of the most exciting nights for me in the year.  I love to decorate the house, dress up and pass out candy.  This year its not going to be as exciting.  I think I'm going to be on bed rest.

The cramps and spotting started last night.  Not brown, no its red.  I called my REI nurse just before midnight to let her know that I think I'm losing the embryo.  She asked me a few questions.  She assured me that spotting is normal and that I should call the office tomorrow.

I had to call them today and am currently waiting for a phone call back.  Sure the bleeding stops when I'm lying down but when I'm standing up or sitting up in a chair it starts up again.  Kind of hard to take a shower while lying down.  So yes I'm still bleeding.  Its no longer spotting.

My husband is in class.  He can't be home for me.  Its a mandatory class.  There are times I don't like his job.  Usually I do but when I need him and can't have him here for this it really sucks.  I'm sure that if I started to hemorrhage they'd let him come home from class so he could be there for the ER but really to the Army this is a natural event.

I'm not angry that my other friends are pregnant.  I do feel sorrow at what seems like is going to be my loss.  I'm not sure I can go through this again.  I know I probably will in March but for now I just need time.  If I'm going to lose JR I hope it happens soon.  If JR is going to stick around I so wish the bleeding would stop.

I hate this not knowing.  I'm two days away from the official blood work and it just doesn't look like I'm going to make it to that event.

Its not the money I'm worried about.  Money is just money, its nice to have so that I can afford to have these infertility treatments but I'm not angry about the loss of money because it seems to not have given me a child.

I am angry with my body.  It has betrayed me.  I still got my morning shot of progesterone.  I'll keep taking it until they tell me otherwise.  I can still hope.  I'm scared.  I'm frightened.  It looks like I'm going to have to go find the old lap top and try it out today from the reclined position.

Gaining But Losing

Some thing is up and its not my weight.  My blood pressure has been remaining steady so its not that either.  This two week wait is going to drive me insane.

To take up those odd ball moments of free time while I wait I've started knitting again.  Not a baby blanket but it is a blanket.  I just felt like knitting before the egg retrieval and I've continued since.  I think I have enough stitches across so that it will cover a twin bed or maybe not but I'll find out when I end it off and before I add the crocheted edging.

Now to the weight issue.  I'm still losing or I was until yesterday's sodium splurge where I ate those precious last 2 TBSP of liver pate' I'll ever eat again for hopefully about a year, plus the Bavarian pretzel, and we ate out for dinner where I had some chicken and fries while shopping.  Yeah way too much sodium so I bloated up 0.4 pounds again.  No big deal.  I only have to drink plenty of water today and tomorrow and I'll have it back off.  But I noticed that yesterday morning I was  swelling up. 

Yes I said swelling up.  But why am I swelling up this soon?  Even though my digital scale says that I've been dropping weight this week I'm still finding that my clothes are getting snug, my watch is digging in and so are my rings.  My socks that were loose in the cuff are now digging in.   This is not good.  Even if I do turn out to be pregnant I shouldn't be swelling up this fast.  I really don't want toxemia.  I don't think my Army doctors are going to like my ballooning this quick either.

As for the abdomen swelling, either I'm getting ready for AF to start her visit or I am pregnant.  I have an odd tightness in my pelvic region that is bulged a bit.  So if its not a baby in there I'm really hoping I'm not growing a tumor.  We won't even discuss the breast tissue tenderness.

If I'm told to cut back on my sodium more I'm not sure what I'll be allowed to eat.  Already I cut back most days to 1000 mg a day.

Does anyone have any advice? 

Food Ban

Yes this is just what I needed today and just before the holidays.  I really needed this reminder that because I have an embryo inside of me I'm now food restricted.

Okay so its for a good cause.  I gave up on Sushi some time ago, I knew that raw fish wasn't good for a woman trying to conceive.  It may be considered brain food but it can really mess up a pregnancy.

Now my wonderful cousin, she is wonderful and I'm not being sarcastic, warned me about food restrictions due to a possible pregnancy of mine.  Oh great, just when I wanted to chow down on those delicious goodies I bought on my food shopping trip this morning I find that what I want is exiled to the bad end of the refrigerator where only my husband is allowed access.  Yes, he can still eat and drink what ever he wants.  Grrr.

I bought pistachio liver pate' at the Hess Bakery today along with pretzels.  I love pretzels and I love liver pate' on my salt free rice cakes.  Oh and now I can't have the pate'.  Its on the No No List of foods for pregnant folks.  My cousin tells me that she has her favorite sandwich deli place cook her ham sub.  Okay so yeah I guess I could try to nuke my liver pate' before I put it on the rice cake but I like the pate cold.  Maybe if I cook it all at once then put it in the fridge to cool it would be fine?  Any one have a clue?

I'm trying to consume more protein in my diet than I usually do.  I started doing this back in August and its worked.  I'm still losing weight.  I lost all that I gained from the saline IV for the egg retrieval and then some.  I'm happy with my progress as its slow but steady.  As long as I keep my sodium consumption down I lose weight.  I kid you not that I will sit down and eat an entire 3 serving Ritter sport chocolate bar in one sitting then go chow down on some other snack an hour later.  For me its not so much fat as it is sodium that is my enemy.

As for the port wine cheese spread I have in the fridge, well its a good thing that J loves it too because as of right now its off limits to me.  I'd rather not get listeria and kill my pregnancy before its even really noticeable or give birth to a dead baby just because I couldn't control a food craving.

Tomorrow I had planned to make Beef Wellington for J.  Now I've enlisted his aid in making the dish as it means I would have to handle raw meat and pate' for this dish.  I'll help as much as possible with the cooking and baking but well yeah, the risk is there and I'd rather not take it.  I'm now paranoid.

Crossing The Dragon's Path

I broke down this morning.  I met a dragon.  I crossed its path and was tested.  Today was the earliest day possible for me to take a home pregnancy test.  I was hesitant.  As of last night I was determined to wait until Wednesday but at 0420 hrs this morning I changed my mind.

No I'm not going to share the results of the home test until I have the results of the blood test.  It could go either way still and right now I'd rather not worry.  Oh but I will worry anyway.

5 more days until I get my pregnancy blood test.

I can test again on another home test before my official blood work.  I'm scared.  Either way the test result comes out I'm going to be scared.

Right now I'm looking at baby cages.  I'm sorry to call them cages but they ARE cages.  Ugly wooden cages.  Is it my imagination or have the baby cribs come to resemble cages?  All of them look pretty much the same, wooden slats closely spaced together with no nice scroll work or embellishments done to the wood.  What happened to pretty carvings in the wood frames?  Yes, I realize they just have to be functional but really they've gotten way to minimalist in design.  If I'm going to pay a lot I want quality.  I want something that is not only functional and convertible but something that will be cherished and last a long time.

So far the only cage that has appealed to me and I don't like the color is Baby Venezia Convertible Crib but its way too expensive on a soldier's pay check.  I'll keep looking.  I am a research junkie.  This does not mean in any way the test was negative or positive either.  For now I'm keeping the results to myself and only sharing it with my spouse.  Oh and the dragons know my secret, they guard it well.

Accepting The Side Effects

I'm cranky right now.  Oh, yes its the PIO shot causing the mood.  But its not just because of the injection its because I finally read through the list of side effects.  No, not the side effect to me but to the unborn child.

What I want to know is why didn't my doctor tell me that the baby could be harmed?

The following information is copied directly from the information booklet of my Progesterone box.

WARNINGS:
     The use of progestational drugs during the first four months of pregnancy is not recommended.  Progestational agents have been used beginning with the first trimester of pregnancy in attempts to prevent abortion but there is no evidence that such use is effective.  Furthermore, the use of progestational agents, with their uterine-relaxant properties, in patients with fertilized defective ova may cause a delay in spontaneous abortion. 
     Several reports suggest an association between intrauterine exposure to progestational drugs in the first trimester of pregnancy and genital abnormalities in male and female fetuses.  (it goes on here to describe the abnormalities and lets just say that I wouldn't wish it up on my kid)  There are insufficient data to quantify the risk to exposed female fetuses, but insofar as some of these- drugs induce mild virilzation of the external genitalia of the female fetus, and because of the increased association of the hypospadia in the male fetus, it is prudent to avoid the use of these drugs during the first trimester of pregnancy. 

Then we get into the carcinogenic, and impairment of fertility part.
Long-term intramuscular administration of Medroxy-progesterone acetate (MPA) has been shown to produce mammary tumors in beagle dogs.  (should I be thankful I'm not a dog?)

Okay so the impairment of fertility isn't so bad since its temporary according to this and should stop when treatment is stopped.  Any one remember the depo shot?  A fellow blogger, Bleeding Tulip today just reported that it seems to be the cause of her infertility.  So I am a bit worried since it is basically the same stuff being an MPA.

I'm okay with it causing a rise in my already high blood pressure. I was warned that all my infertility treatments were going to do just that.  My cardiologist understood and opted to increase my dosage of my labetalol by doubling the amount I used to take.  I now take 200mg 2 times a day.

So I just have to be concerned with cancer in my boobs, and a few other things.  Like what you ask?  Let me tell you what else.

Cerebral thrombosis and embolism, neuro-ocular lesions, e.g. retinal thrombosis and optic neuritis.  Hey wait a minute I'm predispostioned to getting optic neuritis with my dad having it in both eyes.  I guess its a good thing that I already have Optic Disc Drusen, so does this mean I'll get both?  Probably not.

This is just a blog posting about me accepting all the side effects of the current medication to keep this baby in me.  I just hope that it doesn't screw the kid up and its born healthy.  I just hope that it is still in there attaching itself to my uterine lining.  Symptoms point to yes as the pain is now only located in the uterus and no longer in the ovaries.  Its only small twinges too.  I'm wondering though why they even prescribed it if they knew it could do this to a fetus.  Maybe its because I had the eggs retrieved and there is no corpus luteum to help keep the baby hostage errr...I mean keep it in my womb until its fully cooked.  Wait that doesn't sound much better either. 

Cooking Day

Yum.  I'm baking cookies today.  Not just any cookies but a limited edition cookie.

Nestle'  Tollhouse has a limited edition dark chocolate and mint chip bag out right now and I bought a bag.  I can't wait to try out the recipe on the back for Mint Chocolate Delights

My husband can't wait to get his lips around these cookies either.  While I realize that not all the soldiers at the COF will be there to enjoy cookie day tomorrow the rest will finally get a chance to chow down on my cookies.  Seems like that when I make 5 dozen cookies its never enough and the container always empties out about an hour before the end of the day leaving someone without the chance to get a cookie.

So today I'm trying a new recipe.  It does make only 4 dozen but like I said not as many soldiers will be there tomorrow.  I have hope that the ones that want a cookie will find these as delicious as the previous cookie days.

This morning I awoke not just to nausea, no I went to bed with it too last night.  I'm giving up on my stomach.  But I was able to still make J his bacon and eggs for breakfast.  I don't often cook breakfast for my soldier because he is usually in such a hurry.

He asked me, "so why did you make me breakfast?".

I replied, "Well you helped me out."

He said, "I did?".

I replied, "Yes, you gave me my injection this morning.".

He said, "I'd hardly call give you a shot in the ass helping you out, but okay.".

I guess he forgets that its nigh impossible for me to reach around, pull the skin taught, and injection the PIO (progesterone) into my own butt cheek.  Sure I prep the shot each morning by drawing the 1ml out of the bottle with the 18 gauge then switch out the needle to the 22 gauge at 0500hrs.  But really the hard part is what he has to do and I know he doesn't like to inflict pain upon me, even if it is my hard butt.  Yes I have a hard bottom.  I've fallen often enough on it to toughen it up over the years. 

So making him bacon and eggs was just to show that I love him and am thankful to have him in my life.  Oh and I was in a good mood, almost crying with happiness type tears.  Lovely hormones.

Now I'm off to go start those cookies that I promised I'd make.  Maybe I'll have time to knit some more on my newest blanket and read a few more chapters in the book I'm almost finished reading.  I love to take a book into the bath with me.

Its A Beautiful Morning

This morning dawned with fog covered trees and ground.  Oh no I thought, we are going to get a rainy day.  Suddenly the fog lifted and across the street the beauty was revealed.  Overnight the oak tree changed colors.  Its not as beautiful as the trees back home in the Adirondack Mountains but still its a sight to behold.  Well okay except for the trash can my lazy neighbors have left out since last week Thursday.

Since its such a nice day, albeit a bit cold for my taste, yes I've become a wimp living in such a mild climate and it being only 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside, I would get outside and do some morning photography.

I've always enjoyed getting up early in the morning except when I have to get an injection in my arse, when someone calls me in the morning asking a question that they should know the answer to or like when I was a kid having to get up to catch the bus to school.  Now I look forward to someday walking my own kid to school in the fall of the year.

This Year J is doing the decorating outside for Halloween.  I had only one gravestone and he liked the idea of putting it in the flower bed.  Yes I still have flowers and other plants growing.  Just yesterday J picked the last of the red ripe strawberries off of the plants from this particular flower bed.  Ah I so miss Summer.

 This is also the work of my husband.  I'll not tell you what is behind the black curtain as its a surprise.  After watching Martha Stewart's Haunted House on television last night J wants to stop by a hardware store this weekend to spruce up his scary look.  I don't mind one bit the things that he has planned as long as he knows what he wants to do with it all after the the 10th of November when the decorations have to be down.

Hello Morning Nausea

Ugh. 

I feel, well, like I could puke.  Sure its a good symptom of pregnancy but I don't think its from that particular thing.  No, its most likely the antibiotic doxycycline.

This morning it was worse than usual.  I was up just before the alarm went off at 0500hrs, so it was like 0458 hrs.  I yell to J to get up.  Because my stomach was so messed up last night I sent him off to the living room to sleep for the night.  I mosey off to the kitchen to take my blood pressure medicine and the antibiotic.  I have to take the antibiotic on an empty stomach, about 3 hours before I take my morning vitamins because some foods and vitamins contains something the darn thing could bind to which would prevent it from working properly.

Three more days of this stomach killer antibiotic.  Its making my intestines cringe with fear when it comes time to take this twice daily dose.  I tried to go lie down after being up for 30 minutes.  Instructions say to not lie down for at least 20 minutes after taking it.  So I wait then go lie down only to have the nausea hit.  I'm drooling at this point.  Curling into the fetal position is of no help.  Really I wanted to die it was so bad.  I knew that if I hurled I would just have to go back and take more of the medicine if it came up with the vomit.

4.5 hours later I'm writing this post.  I'm still drooling a bit.  My mouth tastes like I've been eating pennies (zinc and copper if you aren't familiar with US currency).  YUCK!

J came home early this morning to give me my progesterone shot at 0720hrs. Between the hours of 7 and 9 are the injection times on the instruction sheets.  I prepare the injection at 0500 hrs so that if he is late he just has to stick me and run.  Right now he is being detailed out by rear-D to drive bus.  Someone isn't listening when they know he has to give me a shot each morning.  They know all about this and told him they'd cooperate.  They also know that I need the car later today to go to an appointment that has been on their white board for weeks.  Someone is pulling a stupid. He had to remind them about the shot so they let him go home to give me the injection then hurry back for bus detail.  He shouldn't be doing bus detail when he is still training other soldiers for a deployment.  Things are really screwy right now.

I'm not really looking for signs of pregnancy yet as its only been 5 days since my egg got fertilized and 2 days since it got transferred to my body.  For now its got to be the medicines creating the symptoms, progesterone shot and the antibiotic combination.

I'll have to look into getting a flu shot soon.  My REI doctor told me that there is no hurry in getting one and that I shouldn't listen to Nurse J, who last year scared me into getting one, since I have a mild egg allergy.  I don't have to get one but if I feel like I should I can get one any time even after I get pregnant he said.  He's the doctor so he should know right?

Oh My Aching Boobs

I'm experiencing some lovely side effects of the Progesterone injections.  I knew from the drug sheet they gave me with the medicine that I could experience some of the side effects.  I think I'm also experiencing some that aren't on the list too.

1)  My boobs ache.  Okay so that is on the side effects list.

2) Forgetfulness, not on the list but I swear its gotten worse since taking the shots.  I'm on my fourth shot as of this A.M. (41 injections this cycle and counting)

3) Nausea, its on the list of side effects for two of the scripts, the progesterone and the doxycyline.

4) Mood swings.  Nope not on the list.  So I'm wondering if they just neglected to put it on there because come on now we all know that women taking these meds are hormonal its a given since well, its a hormone we are taking!

5) Nightmares.  The nightmares have increased since taking this particular injection.  I have no choice but to take it.  Monday I'll ask my therapist if there is some technique I can do to help prevent or lessen the nightmares.

6)  Feeling like your spouse is the enemy.  I swear this one needs to be put on the side effects list.  The rose colored glasses have been yanked off, stomped on and shattered to bits never to be found again.  There is just no pleasing me right now.  Hell I don't even like me.

The chaplain spoke with my husband alone a week ago and told him that its not me that is the problem its the hormones.  The hormones are holding me hostage.  I have to agree. I'm not trying to weasel my way out of being responsible for my moods but its a relief knowing that someone is on my side that my spouse will listen to the chaplain. 

Lets face it, my spouse works mostly with guys.  Most of them already have children.  All they seem to remember is that their wives turned into shrews while pregnant.  They remember the bad, not the good.  So they in turn are making the situation here at home for us worse because they are feeding my husband's fears.

I think that all couples, especially men should take a course in parenting.  I'm not saying that its instinctual with females because its not but usually we've had more experience via babysitting than most males.  Men should also take a class and have a support group to deal with us while we are pregnant.  Even one for men that are dealing with infertility.  Think about it, who gets the injection that is filled with hormones?  Twice in 24 hours I've offered in not a nice way to give my spouse an injection just to "see how you like it".  I know its not easy for him to cause me pain by giving me an injection.  Its not easy for him to see my blood on his hands and this morning I bled a lot.  He must have nicked a vein when he removed the needle.  He admitted to having had shaky hands.

On a bright positive note, I framed the glossy picture of the embryo.  I told J that even if it doesn't make it we can look back and know that we created life and it was with us for a while.  He is happy with the framed photo and I made him a wallet size so he can start sharing his baby pictures with the guys at work.

Embryo Transfer

This is my precious 8 celled perfect embryo.  Yes I can say its prefect because the doctor this morning said it was perfect.  My embryologist was also very pleased with the growth.

At 1022hrs I had my embryo transferred.  They decided to do our procedure so early because of the Via duct being shut down in Seattle for the weekend and the fact that I arrived really early; our original appointment time was set for 1130 hrs.  I'm glad we arrived early too, because on the way out at 1107 hrs the traffic going into the city looked more like a parking lot.

I'm excited.  3 whole days pregnant.

Okay I know its not official yet because its only just been transferred into my body but I can still say I'm pregnant until a test says otherwise and it had better still be "pregnant" or I'm just going to go insane.  March is a long way off and that would be the next cycle we could get into to try again. 

J is all excited.  He actually whispered to my abdomen that he loves the baby already.

We really haven't decided on an embryo name as of yet but since his first initial is J and mine is R it somehow seems appropriate to just call it JR (junior).

2 November is my pregnancy blood test.  Three weeks after that will be my first ultrasound.  Wish I could get one daily!

I'm trying to not stress out.  I'm still eating healthy and the almost 4 pounds (3.8) I gained from the IV during the egg retrieval is now gone.  I was so bloated my face was puffy, not just my hands and feet.

Since I'm considered obese I'll really have to watch my weight during this pregnancy to make sure that I stay the same weight, lose a little if possible and gain only for the baby.  In other words, I can't indulge in cravings.

I really hope JR sticks around.  I really want a healthy baby.  I don't care what the sex of the baby is as long as its healthy; we'll work on the happy together.

Embryo Update: Day 2

Photo of my morning injection of progesterone.  I have to say that the shot initially doesn't hurt but by night time my arse was aching!  Okay the right butt cheek is still sore so I can only imagine a pair of hurting cheeks come tonight since the left side got injected this A.M.

18 gauge needle to draw the progesterone out and a 1 1/2 inch 22 gauge needle to give me the shot.  So glad its not the 1 1/2 inch 18 gauge for the shot!

Note the bottle of used needles behind the prescription box?  Yes, we've now gone through that many needles with the injections for Project Baby.

Good news today on the embryo.  Embie made it through the night!  YAY!  Embie is now 5 cells at the second day and a grade A embryo.  Dr.C. called me with the news and said its a beautiful looking embryo and we are good to go for a transfer tomorrow.  I could hear the glee in my doctor's voice.  I'm so excited too.

Tomorrow our trip out to Seattle is going to be interesting with the bladder.  I have to insert the prometrium capsule 2 hours before the procedure.  30 minutes before the transfer I have to empty my bladder and proceed to drink no less than 24 ounces of water and no more than 32 ounces in a 30 minute period so that my bladder is full again before the procedure.

Oh and the Viaduct is going to be closed so we have to leave earlier to get to Seattle.  Earlier than we had planned since I know there aren't any decent rest rooms along the interstate.

Wish us luck.

Embryo Count

While I was out at class today my doctor called me.  I knew he would even if it was to return my phone call from this morning.

I gained 3.8 pounds from yesterday's procedure.  Um, yeah that much.  I'm not supposed to gain that much either.  But of course my doctor knows nothing about that because that is not why he was calling me.

Dr. C. called to tell me that only one egg got fertilized.  Just one.  Now all our hopes rest on this particular embryo.  Dr. C. sounded really hopeful that we will be making a transfer soon.  I too have hope.

I realize that one embryo isn't a lot.  Its only one and our odds aren't all that great but it is still a chance.

I called my parents to tell them that they are grandparents to an embryo and my mom was so excited to hear that we made it this far.  I've been keeping her updated weekly on our progress.  J's parents haven't been kept all that much in the loop.  If we make it to a positive pregnancy test on 3 November we'll tell them then.

I've already promised my parents that I'd email them a copy of the embryo photo.  Mom told me to put it on my wall.  No, I'm going to put it in my file of receipts, hospital bracelets, and test results all for infertility.  Eventually they will go into a baby book if we make it that far.

Our child will know that we did everything possible to give him or her life.  We want our baby.

I'm now waiting to hear how my blog friend Alex is doing today.  She had her retrieval today at the same place I had mine.  I'm hoping for good news for her as she deserves some happiness in the baby making department.

In the meantime I'm baking cookies under the influence of Vicodin.  LOL.  Its okay they are tasty and no I'm not going to put any of my pills in the cookies...no way am I sharing my pain pills!  This week the cookies for the soldiers at the COF are chewy chocolate peanut butter chip and they are being made a day late.  I was in no condition to make cookies yesterday.

Egg Retrieval Today

This morning at 0730 hrs I was in Seattle having my eggs retrieved.  I'm okay but unfortunately only 2 eggs were recovered from this cycle.

I am in pain and had to get something to eat before I could take my first vicodin.  The pain continued for over an hour before I opted to take another vicodin.  I'm allowed 2 vicodin every 4-6 hours and it looks as though I just might need them.

I'm not bleeding heavy which was a concern of my doctor's as he watched the nurse stick in the IV line and the blood run down my arm to hit the floor. Oops!  I guess she could have been a bit better huh?

My blood pressure was a concern to my doctor days before hand but today it was holding steady at 116/76.  Wish it were that good every day, then I wouldn't need my Labetalol.

J and I stopped for breakfast at IHop.  I ate half of my two pancakes, two bites of my eggs and I did finish off my 1 hash brown, I gave J my bacon, knowing that I'd need that fuel to prevent the nausea from taking the vicodin.  I'm not really hungry but I am sleepy.

I just took my doxycycline, the antibiotic they prescribed to prevent infection after the surgery.  Good thing I ate because that drug also requires me to have food in my stomach.

I must confess to having stopped at the German Bakery in Lakewood for a pretzel.  The carbs will do me some good and I'll most likely be eating only the pretzel through out the day.

So the physically painful part is almost done with now, just the intramuscular progesterone shots to go through with.   Now comes the mental pain of waiting to hear if my eggs are good enough to even fertilize.  If they make it to day 3 I'll have them transferred into me on Saturday.  I'll know more tomorrow when Dr. C. calls me with the egg results.

I really hope I get a baby out of this.  Its not so much the cost but the emotional investment that is draining.  I'm just thankful that J is by my side through this, though at times he has no clue as to what he is supposed to be doing to help out.  If anyone has any advise for him please share it here where he'll see it.

Oh, and forgive me if this post seems to be a jumbled mess...its the meds.

Positive Out Look

J and I are trying to keep a positive out look for this particular IVF cycle.  Its quite possible that when they do the egg retrieval I might get five good eggs or none at all.

This morning I had to take a pregnancy test.  Why?  Well for those of you that don't know its because of the trigger shot.

The shot I had to take at exactly 2000hrs last night was HCG (human Chorionic Gonadotropin) which is found in pregnant female mammals.  I'm not sure if its found in non-mammals or not.  Well okay in order to get the egg retrieval done tomorrow my pregnancy test has to show positive. 

And there it was this morning at 0458 hrs.  I was pregnant according to the digital test.  But I'm not actually.  Its just the shot.  Of course I called J into the bathroom to show him the test result.  I told him it might be the only time we see a positive home pregnancy test.  When I was pregnant with the twins 15 years ago my HPT never showed positive.    I've never actually had a positive home test either.  Weird but my body is like that or perhaps the tests were never that sensitive all those years ago.

See I'm not supposed to take another home pregnancy test (HPT) during this IVF cycle. No I'm supposed to just go for a blood test 14 days after the egg retrieval, not 14 days after the embryo transfer.    The 3rd of November, if all goes well I'll be getting some blood work done.

I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm excited, hell I'm scared.  I'm trying to stay positive.  All I need is one good egg.  That super hero of all eggs that will work its seductive magic on one sperm and create us a happy, healthy embryo that is willing to attach to my uterine lining. 

I just want to get through the egg retrieval with good news.  Then of course I want to get through the embryo transfer on Saturday with good news.  I hope my body doesn't betray me now.  Seems as though I had plenty of follicles earlier but they all decided to play "you go first" and not develop together like they were afraid of the outcome.  So now my odds of a good quality egg in the bunch has diminished.  But I'm still hoping against all odds that it works for us.

Keep us in your thoughts please.  Thanks.

Trigger Shot Time

Right now I'm sitting here blogging while I'm waiting for yet another phone call.  I always seem to be waiting on phone calls from my REI of late.

In the next hour the phone call I get should be from the SRM office in Seattle.  I'll get my time for my egg retrieval and the time that I'm to take my trigger shot.

I'm ready.  I'm nervous.  I'm excited.  I'm depressed.

My ovaries are starting to fail me.  We almost cancelled this IVF today.  Yes, the count is that low.  I have only 5 follicles there and some are as small as 9 mm right now.  I doubt some will be viable.

We were counseled on how to proceed.  I was hesitating on going through with the IVF, not because of the cost, but because it might not be worth the egg retrieval.  But, if we went to an IUI I know we would be wasting our money.  Four IUI's and not one of them worked what is to say another would work.

Dr. C. gave us the choice and I swear he was leaning towards the IUI but my husband thought differently.  J thought that Dr.C. had some positive news and thought that we could achieve a pregnancy still though, the odds are lowered with less candidates.

If this IVF cycle fails, and I count a miscarriage as a fail, then we won't be able to get into another cycle until March.  Had we decided to go with the IUI they could have gotten us into the next IVF cycle which is January.

Because there is still a possibility of my husband deploying we opted to go with the IVF now.  Fingers crossed it will work.

I won't be having a day 5 transfer, I'll be having a day 3 transfer.  This means that Saturday I'll have my embryo/s put in me.  If I even have any to transfer.

I'm afraid to hope.  I'm really depressed thinking that none will make it that stage of transference.  I want a baby so bad. 

After we received the results of the ultrasound, my lining is 9.2 right now, and the number of follicles, I wanted to cry.  I really didn't think we had a snowball's chance in hell of conceiving.  I really hope that my despair is soon gone.  I'm trying to think positive but I'm actually afraid to have hope.

Oh and if I hear one more person tell me I should adopt I think I might lose my calm and do something I really shouldn't.  Seriously if you can't say something supportive and can only tell me, "its just not your time", "it wasn't meant to be", or "you should adopt", then perhaps you should hold your tongue.

Blogaversary Just Slipped By

I haven't been in a very good place of late.  I'm letting all those wonderful IVF hormone shots that J gives me nightly change me.  Sure the change in my body has been for the better but the mental changes have not made me a nicer person.

Talking with my psychologist the other day in my DBT group I realized that the hormones I'm on are considered mind altering drugs.  But my psychologist, a Ph.D., reminded me that currently its something that I can't give up without repercussions.  I want to be on these drugs.  I allow myself to be injected nightly by J.  If he can't inject me for some reason, like work, then I'll do it myself.

So I sit here wallowing in my own pity how I've let these meds turn me into a horrible, screaming, banshee of a person.  Yes, I scream.  Little things set me off.  Anything can set me off these days.  I don't expect all of my readers to understand what I'm going through, even if you have done IVF your own experience is very personal with how you respond to the drugs.  However, I'm sure that there are quite a few of my IF blogger buddies that can well understand the challenges I'm facing daily in just dealing with the emotions that flood me from the hormones.

I've let my blog anniversary just slip by.  It was 14 Oct.  I've been whining and complaining about my life for a year now.  Its been a good life, a good year.  Sure I've yet to conceive, I've yet to see my spouse get promoted, I've yet to settle with my NY lawyers my work comp case or even see a single dollar of the money I was supposed to get.  However, I now need to list my blessings. 

1)  I have lost weight.  22 pounds over all with a slight gain back this week from the ovaries of which I was told I should expect.

2) I still have my marriage.  I work at it daily.  I apologize to my spouse when after I've yelled I've realized I shouldn't have.  I apologize if I put the blame in the wrong direction too and when I realize I'm wrong with anything at all.  I strive to make things work.  I find reasons to make it work even when I want to call it quits.

3)  Even if I don't get pregnant I still have a full life ahead of me.  I have probably another 40 years to go and I plan on living it to the fullest even if it is without children.  No folks adoption isn't all that easy and for some of us we will never be the chosen ones by the agencies to raise someone else's child.

4)  I can paint.  No not just the walls.  I have a raw talent that I've let go undeveloped.  I'm thinking that I need to take a few art courses, a drawing one would help.  I love to paint watercolors, not always all washed out but bright and bold.  Its been a year since I've picked up a brush and I have that unfinished painting to finish.  Sometimes I let life get in the way.  Now its time for me to take back my time, my me time, and do some painting.

5)  I'm independent.  I like being a strong individual.  I don't have to have need of others to care for me.  I can do it myself.  Even with my disabilities I can still dress myself, cook for me and a small army, do my housework on most days unless I'm not the one who made the mess.  I like going for drives by myself.  I usually like me, except while on the hormones.

6)  I'm easy on the eyes.  I'm not beautiful but I'm not ugly either.  I'm aging well.  Even if I was ugly I think I'd be okay with that because I know who I am.

7)  I'm proud of my past.  Its not been the best childhood with the abuse and I had a bad first marriage.  My past has created the me who I am now, the strong and independent me.  I like who I am.

8)  I'm able to create.  Yes I say create like its a good thing.  Sometimes others will find my logic messed up but I can still create a witty story out of just watching a single person walk down a street.  I have that ability to entertain. I can take a lump of clay, a ball of yarn, a piece of paper and create something more of it than just stare at it.

9)  I have a good reason why I get out of bed each morning though one would think that the amount of pain, thank you Fibromyalgia, I'm in should keep me there and heavily sedated.  I enjoy life.  I want to live every bit of it that I'm given.

10)  I'm blessed with love.  I have the love of my husband, family, friends and most importantly me.  Yes I have to love myself before I learn to love anyone else.  If I can accept who I am even now at my worst then I can still give love to others.

Those are my blessings.  I'm happy with them for today.  They evolve and grow with me as the day passes into night and the night becomes the morn.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is the day that we set aside to remember those children and pregnancies we lost.  I too lost a pregnancy.  I lost twins.

Though the years have gone by I'll never forget my two.  I conceived them using clomid; I've always had infertility issues.

Now that I'm in the midst of an IVF cycle and just a few days away from an egg retrieval I'm worried.

So for now this blog post will be just a silent vigil.  No extra words needed.


Read Keiko's blog post today about this very subject.  She says it well.

Waiting on What Ifs

I had my day 5 Estradiol draw this morning at 0700hrs.  Now I have to wait for those results to see if my medicine routine will be changed up.  I'm thinking that its going to change a bit and I've got good reason to think along those lines.

I had my ultrasound at 0800 hrs.  Nurse M asked if I've had any pain.  I said some.  Scale of 1 to 10 its been a 4 or a 5.  I'm pretty good at tolerating pain with having Fibromyalgia.

I got on the scale.  I've lost according to their scale but according to mine I've gained back 1.2 of the 2.8 I lost this week.  So I was bummed out.  Nurse M said weight gain is to be expected with the ovaries swelling up.  Sure, sure, tell that to me all you want but I know that I failed myself.

Nurse M asked if I've been experiencing any of the side effects from the medicines.  Yup.  Headaches, nausea, bitchiness, lack of sleep but I've got it under the best of control I can with counseling, avoiding the television which increases the headaches, and venting when needed.

J held my hand during the scan.  He was nervous.  He has been really stressed for the past few weeks about this IVF cycle and other things like deployment issues.  Now for the results of the scan.  Um, well its not all that good.  Last week I had 8 antrals, potential follicles/eggs, now I have three on the left of which are ready to go now.  What do you mean you could do a retrieval now? 

Dr. C. said he could have an egg retrieval on Sunday for the 3 ripe follicles measuring over 20 mm in size.  But....yes there is always a but.  He then said that I have 4 potentials on the right that he'd rather wait for.  Another BUT....But he said the 3 on the left would be no good by then.  SO...we are most likely going to do an egg retrieval of the four, I hope like hell that the four are ready and good, on Wednesday.  I'm two days ahead of my IVF schedule.

I did tell them at the start of this IVF cycle that I ovulate early.  They said it wouldn't happen that way because I'm on regulated hormones.  I so wanted to shout, "I TOLD YOU SO!".  But of course I didn't say it.

Another BUT....things might still not go as planned for Wednesday.  I still have another scan on Monday and another blood draw.  If the follicle aren't ready or if I'm now down to say two, then my IVF will get cancelled.  I have to be prepared.

I have to also be a realist here.  Even with four follicles on the right and three on the left I might not get a quality egg.  I might find out there is nothing of sufficient quality to do the ICSI on.

I was chatting with my husband about all the "what ifs" on the ride home this morning.  I wonder if I'll get a refund if there are no embryos to transfer.  Do I get a refund if there are no quality eggs?  If so how much?  How long before we could do another IVF cycle?

Then there are the big hopes and what ifs.  What if this actually works but I miscarry?  I've miscarried twins before.  What if my eggs seem of good quality but then I produce a baby with an arm sprouting out of its scull?  Hey's its always a possibility, a scary one but still possible.

I need to relax and not think about all these possibilities.  I need to keep my blood pressure down.  It was good today at 135/82.  I have to keep it low enough or else the retrieval will get cancelled.

Bruised In More Ways Than One

I'm bruised.  Not just on my arm but its a starting point. 

Yesterday I had my Estradiol level drawn and the guy wasn't all that gentle.  Not only did he bruise me but he left a spider web of blown veins resulting in pretty purple lines on my arm.  I'm none too happy about it either.

My levels aren't what I was hoping for either.  My ego is now bruised.  I was hoping that even at my advanced age of 42 I would some how beat the odds.  No such luck.  My Day 3 Estradiol level was 82.  Anything above 80 means that my egg store is depleting.  Looks like this might just be my last try for a baby. 

I was hoping for another try next year, head in the clouds, after delivering a healthy baby next summer.  I can dream.  I can stay positive.

This is a 2 x 2 inch round bruise from one Lupron shot on my abdomen.  The other red dots are from other shots for this IVF cycle.

Funny how no one told me to expect bruising from the smallest needle.  Its a bloody insulin needle!  I would have thought that perhaps the needle from the Menopur would bruise me but no, the Lupron shot got me.

Luckily enough neither of the two bruises hurt.  The Menopur does sting when its injected but for me I'm able to tolerate it well enough.  Maybe all my fat helps?

Different subject here.  The cookies I made yesterday are the Oatmeal Scotchies recipe on the back of the Toll House morsels bag just substitute the butterscotch chips for the same amount of milk chocolate chips.  The soldiers at the COF love them or so I was told at lunch time by my husband.

Tonight I'm going to make No Chop Pastistio for dinner.  This means I need to get my duff off my computer chair and get started on making it pronto!  Its a delightful dish but there is a lot of messy prep work for that particular dish.

IVF Frustrations

Its been one of those kind of days and its only half over.  I didn't get to sleep last night because I let a phone call annoy me.

Stress is my enemy right now.  I don't like getting a phone call from one of my husband's co-workers especially when he berates me.  What did I do?  Well I guess I'm such a tight-wad that I won't let my husband have a new cell phone.  I explained to the man on the phone that I have no control over my husband and that he chooses to use his old trac fone because he likes it.

J has told me more than once he doesn't want a new phone because he doesn't want a leash on him.  He fears that like the rest of his co-workers he'll become addicted to the apps on the phone and not want to do anything else all day long but be a slave to it.

So I get chewed out.

Oh and get this, I have my husband explain to the neanderthal that I don't like being shouted at on the home phone and told I'm cheap.  The guy denied he ever said that and that he was just joking.  I heard no laughter in his voice.  GRRRR.

So I had a sleepless night, an argument with my spouse about how his job is leaking stress into our home life, and the fact that J screwed up a shot last night.  I swear he dumped a quarter of the menopur out of the needle.  I had to take the syringe from him and administer the shot myself.  So last night I gave myself two of the three shots.

I'm so frustrated.  I want to cry, scream, and in general have a tantrum like a 2 year old with these hormones.  Oh, but I'm not allowed to because of the stress level.

So after one hour sleep today I had my estridol level drawn.  I just hope my numbers aren't too screwed up.

I've been throwing my stress into my home projects.  Yesterday I finished the reupholstering of my computer chair seat.  As you can see from the photo it turned out well.  I even added another layer of padding and I have to say to myself, "nice job".

I even had time to strip the majority of the old finish off of the dining room table yesterday.  I added a thin layer of spray wax to hold it for a while until I get the time to strip more of it all.  Naked wood means wood can warp and I'd rather my dining room table not warp.

Today's project is just cookies.  I'm in the midst, yes while typing this, of baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.  Its a first for me and a request from one of my husband's co-workers.  No not the bum that called me and upset me.

I'll let you know if the cookies turn out good enough to post the recipe and a photo of cookies tomorrow.

Rainy Day Project

Its raining, its pouring.  No really its pouring rain so hard its already pulled apart my rain gutters.  I'm going to have to call that repair in this week.

So because its raining I've opted not to start decorating the outside of the house for Halloween today but to work on an inside project.  It was either dye my hair or reupholster my desk chair.

My computer chair is badly in need of reupholstering.  I like to put my right foot under my left thigh and well as you can see I've worn out the seat cover in that area.  The back of the chair is in perfect condition still so I'm not going to bother ripping that up until it has to be done.

This is the fabric that I've chosen to reupholster my chair with on the seat bottom.  If I so need to I'll have enough left over to reupholster the top of the seat as well.

Really I don't care if the top and the bottom cushion fabric match as long as its no longer in tatters. I just want it to be comfortable.

Maybe next week I'll get around to dying my hair.  For now it can wait as the chair is a higher priority.

Three Shot Night

I have to say that my produce bins in my refrigerator are not filled with fruits and vegetables but they are filled with hormones.  One day I'd like to have them filled once again with the appropriate food items.   That's not to say that the foods  on the market these days aren't filled with hormones but usually you'll not find any of those foods in my refrigerator as I've moved to organic over the course of four years.



Never in my life would I have thought I'd be looking forward to getting needles stuck in me.  But tonight I am.


The Lupron injection goes down to just 5 units tonight from the 10 units I was previously injecting.
I'm already a pro at the one shot a night and so is my husband since he's been giving me the majority of the 15 lupron shots to date.  Tonight we add two more shots to the regimen.
J isn't too happy about having to give me the Gonal F shot as he doesn't want to hurt me and is afraid he'll do just that with that particular heavy duty pen like shot.  I think perhaps I should give that shot to myself if he is so hesitant.  However, he is a soldier and will follow orders so perhaps, I have to chuckle here, if I order him to shoot me, with the needle, he will?

The Menopur is a three vial concoction for us.  We mix two of the powder with one of the sterile liquid bottle.  Using a Q cap and mixing with it seems so simple but thankfully we have a number we can call if we have questions before we mix it.

First Goal Down

I'm happy to report that I've finally lost just over 20 pounds.  Finally the first goal is met. 

Now I just have to get to the second goal, get pregnant, gain for the baby only, stay pregnant long enough to delivery a living child and continue to lose the extra pounds after delivery.  Its a long process too.

Just under 40 more pounds to lose.  I'm already noticing that my clothes hang off me, well except for my pants because the endometriosis gut is always bulging.

However I have decided to gift myself something nice this week.  Well at least I had decided on an item from The Hunger Site which will donate bowls of food to animals with every purchase made, but the item that I really wanted it currently out of stock.  Not to worry I'll still find something else to get there to make my weight loss goals a giving back effort.  I won't be the only one to benefit from my weight loss, I want a furry friend to get fed too since they've always given me comfort when I needed it.

Today J and I went to an antique mall in our town area where he made two purchases of items he's wanted.  I've converted him to liking antique stores.  I just wanted to go there to pet the two black cats, Peyton and Crybaby.  Seems that Peyton has been beating on Crybaby lately.  Cats do that from time to time.  I can well remember my cats wrestling for cat world domination on many an occasion, usually at 3am.  So I got my cat fix in today which gave me my happy and J got what he wanted.  All is well here in our little military home.

Relaxing

Photo by me of me taken today.  I'm relaxing today.  Well trying to at the least.  Today was a marriage counseling session.  J and I are working on building a better us and trying to decrease the stress he brings home with him. 

Yes, he's been getting on my nerves and raising my blood pressure.  Its not healthy for me to have it that high.  Our counselor has now suggested a better way for J to deal with his work stress so that he doesn't bring home as much of it.  He told him to take up to 20 minutes when he gets home and just putter about the garage or in another room and leave me be. 

I can't handle his stress.  I've told him that there is nothing that I can do for him to fix any issue he might have with his job.  That is a solid fact.  I'm not a soldier I'm just a soldier's wife.  I can cook, clean, help raise a family but I cannot and will not tell him how to do his job.

So this afternoon we went to the pharmacy and picked up my script for the double strength blood pressure medicine Labetalol.  I now take 400 mg a day of it.  Three years ago I took just 100 mg once a day.  There is only so much Zen breathing, Yoga and a low sodium diet can do when there is so much stress in my life.  Going through an IVF cycle is very stressful!

Still a photo of me taken by me today.  I'm wearing one of the gifts that J gave me for our anniversary.  Its a very interesting pendant which is handcrafted.  Its a drusi stone in the center with mother of pearl discs on the two sides and two silver leaves, one above and one below.  I loved this pendant the moment I saw it and I had to have it.  Lila Drake in Port Townsend is just the jewelry store I need when I want to find that unique piece at a great price.

Oh the sweater is new too.  Since I've lost so much weight I deserved the sweater from the clearance rack at the Eddie Bauer outlet.  I went shopping there last weekend with J and my bestie S.  We are planning on going back there again soon.  Who knows maybe this long weekend.

I'm starting to learn that shopping can be a great stress reliever as long as the stores aren't that crowded and you are with good friends.  I've never been one to like to shop but I think I might be changing my mind about that particular contact sport.

First IVF Scan

Well today was a bit of a busy day.  It was also a day of disappointments.

I'm waiting for a phone call to let me know if I'm allowed to go ahead with my stim shots this coming Monday or if they are going to halt this IVF cycle.

Yesterday was my cardiology appointment.  I'm all in the clear with them.  Even though my EKG showed some abnormal it was within limits.  My labetalol dosage is now doubled to keep my blood pressure under better control.  I'm ready.

But maybe my ovaries aren't so ready.  I had my estradiol blood work done promptly at 0715 hrs.  I was there at the laboratory at 0658 hrs pulling a tab for my number to get called.  I had real hopes, until the scan.

0800 hrs and I'm sitting in the waiting room at the REI office.  My appointment is now but I'm still waiting to get called back.  I'm anxious.  I want to see if the endometriomas are gone.  I'm frustrated because I'm bleeding and I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be.

0820 hrs.  Finally I'm in the exam room.  Of course they stick me in the smallest one this time.  What did I do to deserve the small room?  Only one patient was before me and I know darn well that there are three big rooms with private bathrooms so why do I get the smallest one without a bathroom?

0840 hrs.  I'm cold sitting here on the exam table, wearing a paper sheet covering my lower half and just a thin silk shirt on the upper half.  Where is my doctor?

5 minutes later he finally shows up.  Then the bad news starts.

I'm supposed to have a bleed this week so that is all fine and dandy.  I have four follicles on the right ovary.  I have four follicles on the left ovary.  Well that's a start.  Not bad for a chic my age.  But wait is that a cyst we see?  NOOOOOO!  I tried to tell the doctor its right where the other endometrioma was but he says it looks more fluid filled unlike the one next to it with the shadow in it.

Okay so what now.  I'm told that this cycle might not happen.  I have to wait for the results of the blood test now.

I'm bummed.

In about an hour I'll know if I can go ahead with the stimulation shots or not.  If not where do we go from here?  I've taken 11 Lupron injections.  I want to have an egg retrieval but its not my decision.  If my estradiol level is below 50 then I'm good to go but just how far below 50 is allowable?  If I'm at 49 will they still allow it?

Yes, now I sit here and wait for the phone to ring.  Now I wonder if I'll get to graduate to the next shots.  Pitiful.

 *****NEWS FLASH****

Just got word from the REI clinic and its good.  My estradiol level was only 32!  I can start the stim shots on Monday as previous planned.  Woo hoo! 

Odd how excited a person can get about getting shots. I'm sure most IF peeps can understand the excitement.

White and Milk Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut Cookies

Its that time again.  Time to make cookies for the soldiers at the COF.  This week I created my own recipe for cookies.  I had a special request from one of the soldiers to make white and milk chocolate chip cookies with macadamia nuts in them.  I have to say they are mighty tasty too and I'm enjoying my second cookie now.  Not to worry this recipe made just under 6 dozen cookies so there are plenty to go around even with me enjoying two of the cookies.

Here is my recipe:

White & Milk Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut Cookies

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. finely ground Celtic Sea Salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup golden Imperial brown sugar firmly packed
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract ( I make my own vanilla extract)
2 large eggs
1 cup Nestle Toll House milk chocolate chips
1 cup Nestle Toll House white chocolate chips
1 cup chopped Diamond brand Macadamia nuts

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Combine: flour, baking soda and salt in a small bowl.  Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in a large mixing bowl (I use my stand mixer) until creamy.  Add eggs, one at a time.  Gradually add flour mixture.  Finally add in the chips and nuts and finish mixing the batter.  Drop by rounded teaspoon onto an ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake for 9 minutes.  The cookies will spread out to the point of almost touching at times.  Let cool for about 2 minutes on the pan before transferring to a wire cooling rack.

Makes about 5 to 6 dozen cookies depending on the size of the dough pieces you put on the cookie sheet. 

If you like your cookies large of course you'll have less of them, its a no brainer.  The soldiers at the COF like them a bit smaller so I usually get about 5.5 dozen cookies from a batch.

Its A Hodge Podge Day

Its one of those days again.  J had a long weekend.  He had told me earlier in the week that it was a three day weekend but he forgot to mention that it was indeed a four day weekend until late Friday night.  He said he thought I knew.  If I knew then I would have made plans for a four day weekend.

Oh and for him its a three day work week this week since he has Friday off too.  How am I supposed to get stuff done around here with him under my feet?  Its not like he is a child whom I can send to their room to go clean it, he is a grown man that makes a mess!

So today is my Monday Tuesday again.  Today I'm doing laundry, stripping the bed and putting away the Summer coverlet to don the Winter comforter once again.  The photo of the blanket above is my representation of hodge podge.  Oh and I've yet to find a buyer for the blanket.  I sent a former FRG member the link to my blog on the blanket and asked for her assistance in finding me a buyer for it but as of yet no luck.  Remember the money will go to a charity for the soldiers.

Tonight is the 10th Lupron shot.  I'm no longer on the birth control and soon I'll start the stim shots. Over the next two days I have no less than five doctor appointments.  Thursday morning is my suppression scan to see what is what inside of me.

The anesthesiologist from SRM called me while I was out on Saturday and booked a phone appointment with me for yesterday at 1100 hrs.  He wanted to know my medical history to make sure I got the right stuff to knock me out.  I didn't know  I was going to be given anything stronger than the vicodin  of which I was instructed to take with me to the procedure.  I'm so happy to hear that I'll not be really awake for the egg retrieval.  The thought of that big needle poking about inside of me was rather daunting and I was afraid of crying out in pain when they said it wouldn't really hurt me.  Well it would have been nice of them to have told me that I'll be under heavy sedation.

My phone is driving me nuts this morning.  In the last hour I've had no less than four phone calls.  One of which my husband tells me he locked his gear away at work but forgot the key.  How typical.  Now he has to cut the lock.  Oh but before he tells me he is going to cut the lock he tells me exactly what the key ring looks like that holds that particular key.  So I'm looking for the key ring.  I don't see it.  He says to me that he had already decided to cut it.  So really why was he having me look for it when I have no transportation to get him that key anyway?  I guess he thinks that I have nothing better to do with my morning than to help him look for his lost possessions.  Oh I'm fuming over that one.  I may have forgiven him for saying that he thinks I do nothing around the house but I won't forget it.  I told him, "I don't call you at your work place over something so trivial as a lock so why are you calling me at my place of work over a trivial matter?".  He realized he was being petty, silly, and rather stupid.  Now if he had called me to tell me he loves me it would have been a different matter all together.

Yes the Lupron is making me cranky.  Seriously though today I was chasing a dancing washing machine in the laundry room, I moved a heavy chest, vacuumed, I'm on the second of three loads of laundry and I'm doing the bills.  But I have plenty of time on my hands, according to my spouse, to look for a now defunct key.  Right!

Breaking My Fast With My Spouse

Busy morning around here today.  I've been attempting to blog in-between phone calls and laundry loads.  Finally I can tell you all about the amazing breakfast food I had with my husband this morning.

It all began yesterday.  Yesterday I went shopping with my husband and my bestie S.  We went to Centralia to look for antiques and to shop at the outlet malls.  All of us found some really good bargains.  My husband found his best bargain in the town of Onalaska where he is getting a new wood stock put on his 12 gauge shotgun.

After we arrived back on the military installation yesterday we stopped to get some grocery items.  I need a few things to make the French Toast Casserole that my bestie S shared on her blog the other day.  I had the bread left over from my own recipe the other day and it was so perfect for the casserole but I still needed more half and half and the pecans.

J cut the bread up for me last night and put it in the glass baking dish.  I did the rest to prepare it last night.  This morning I made up the praline topping.  I have to say this dish is divine.  I couldn't eat a whole portion it was so big.  It does serve 8 with large pieces.

Now I dare you to go make the casserole and not drool from the smells of it baking in the oven!

Today we are off to go to more antique places and to a birthday bar-b-Que.